The Excellence of Love

"If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am NOTHING. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

Love is Patient, love is Kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, it does not seek its own, it is not provoked, it does not take into account a wrong suffered, it does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the TRUTH; it bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." (1 Cor. 13:1-8)

"When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, I used to think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things." (1 Cor. 13:11)

"But now abide in faith, hope, and love; but the greatest of these, is love." (1 Cor.13:13)


I have been drawn to read these passages over and over again recently. Here's what God has clearly put on my heart: I want to find out what it means to ABIDE in Christ, and give him everything. I want to return to my first Love, Him, and the way it felt when I was so close with Him. I want to experience this love that He talks about...and give it to others. I want to have a very close and very intimate relationship with Him...I want what makes Him sad to make me sad, and what makes Him happy to make me happy. I really desire this relationship from Him and am praying for a (female) friend here at school that would be willing to embark on this with me. I think this is one request that God doesn't often refuse. :) I am ready to move forward and ready to give up what I've treasured for too long in my own hands. What a scary thing, being so vulnerable to having the worst of yourself revealed to yourself....but Love, God's Love, makes me do crazy things.... That's all I felt like saying today. I hope everyone is doing well, and have a good night. :)

Chaos Theory

Ok, so in my college experiences, I have taken a lot of courses that have altered my life a lot, made me think outside of the box and have experienced a lot of life situations that have "forced" me to change my close-minded view. I am taking a course this Jan-Term called Chaos Theory. I think that already, this class is going to have a big impact on my life. This was the first week that the class started, and I was already intruiged by the subject, but today, it was like God smacked me upside the head with something that I always knew, but couldn't really accept. My teacher is Jack Burns, so I'll just call him Jack for now, but basically, today in the middle of class, he was discussing this theory about how there are three different stages in which an organization can be it. The first is the "equilibrium" stage or the "implosion" stage. This stage reflects an organization that is secure; and by secure, I mean that the organization is stuck on its long term plan and is not willing to make any changes along the way. The reason why this stage is also called the implosion stage is because any organization that stays in this stage will evenutally implode and die. The reason why?? -THINGS CHANGE. Not a single person can predit the long term future of an organization. No one could have predicted that the 9/11 crisis would happen and what it would do to people in the U.S., nobody can say that they are going to be able to reach a certain point in the long-term future because life just doesn't happen like that. Accidents happen, changes happen, growth happens, destruction happens...it's all very ambiguous. The second stage is called "Chaos." The chaos stage can be depicted with a picture similar to what the results of a lie detector test look like, wavy, sporatic, and almost never consistent. Then above the wavy line there is the concept of the ultimate purpose of an organization. (Or mission statement as some people might call it.) Below the wavy line is the organization itself, either in hierarchical format or as Jack proceeded to draw it as, in circles with boxes surrounding each circle to represent the team members of the organization. Each Box on the circles represented one person in the organization and each box was connected to others and so on, symbolizing the relationships that each member of the organization had with eachother, as well as the relationships that people had with other people outside of the organization. Now, if you can picture this, and if I described this right, then I will be amazed haha, but if you can imagine taking a line from each of these circles, through the wavy line, and eventually all connecting to the purpose statement above the wavy line, then this may be clearer to you. But anyway, the interesting thing about this picture is that the wavy line is representative of all of the crazy stuff that life brings...the conflicts, the different personalities within an organization, the different talents, natural disasters that have an effect on the organization, etc. The list could go on. Jack explained that the waves within an organization are the keys to helping the organization survive and thrive. the purpose at the top of the picture is something cohesive that can bring the whole organization together as a whole, ideally. The circles below the waves cannot stay in their "dominant schema" or in lamen's terms, they can't stay with one way of doing things for so long without changing. Jack asked us, "have you ever been around a really creative person?" And we all raised our hands, and then he was like, "well, weren't they really annoying? How do you feel when your around somebody like that?" The class didn't know what to say. He characterized the extremely creative person as someone who was all over the place. They did their own thing, they messed up the order of things and made things uncomfortable within an organization. Immediately I started to process this information and relate it to my own life. I don't think of myself as an extremely creative person at all. I try to be logical and cool-headed about most things, and that's pretty much who I've tried to be. But the memory of a swim team experience in the past brought me to realize that I am one of those people who would manage my business in the "equilibrium" stage! :-O I thought of some people that were on the team that I just had the hardest time dealing with because I would always think that they were there solely to disrupt any kind of peace/unity that I wanted so badly for the team to have. I had to learn this the hard way though with experience throughout the past four years that I need to be flexible. I need to adapt. I need to be a person that is ok with change and that is open to learning new things. Now, I had definitely learned this lesson through the swim team by the end of my freshman year and have definitely found myself improving a lot on noticing when this happens, but to have had it spelled out so succinctly by my professor to me with that one example, I knew I could not be a leader unless I was willing to lose control. When an organization, yes, has a long term goal, but doesn't bank everything on that, and just takes things one day at a time within the "chaos" model, they are the most successful organizations and learn the most. The third stage is the "random" stage which was basically was all of the really creative people that were out in the world that wouldn't belong to any kind of organization that may have a very strong expertise in something, but are not willing to be within an organization. This stage wasn't all that exciting to me so I just ignored it haha. :) jk, jk. But still. :) So anyways, this whole lesson today made me really think about other aspects of my life that I have held in the "equilibrium" state, whether that be in my family, relationships, friendships, acquaintances, etc, you name it. The same basic concept applies. You gotta lose your life to live it. Such a good reminder of God's calling on us. I was very convicted. I really hope that God will remind me of this daily so that I will not lose sight of the fact that I have a mission in this world, and its not a mission that I can go on if I think that I am in control of it. Chaos is actually good for me. It is learning...we learn when we are in hard times, or at least I seem to think that....and the same can be said for when God brings us through trials...it's way harder, but it bears the most fruit. So with that, I am SO rediculously excited about life. Still nervous though...I'm not THAT good at giving up control and I know that some things take a little time, which God is VERY patient with me on that, but I'm very compelled to see if he will make a possible success out of all of my many failures.

Christmas Training Part Two...

What a relief! I'm finally over with the mind-grinder. The mind-grinder is the one dreaded set of 11,ooo yards of swimming in every Whitworth swimmer's mind that comes only once every four years...because it is that horrible. BUT...I was able to make my send-offs every time, although a few times I was cutting it pretty close. God was good to me. My body was prepared for the yardage and did pretty decent actually, but my brain was going all over the place during some of the 300's. I kept getting lost on what lap I was on and would finish at the wall and yell at Gary to tell me where I was haha! It was pretty rediculous. But I had fun and I'm glad to have finally experienced it. I took some pictures of the momentous occasion so you will see them soon on facebook. So last night was New Years Eve, and honestly, I was so tired that day that I went to bed at 8:30 pm and woke up at 8:30 am the next morning! haha! I got 12 hours of sleep! It was amazing! But you can't blame me really cuz I definitely have had to wake up at five o'clock in the morning every morning this past week to drive to practice, so I don't feel THAT bad. :) Now that it's '09 I realized that I graduate soon! Agh! Crazy! I have major denial issues and tend to not look at things the way I don't want to see them, so the fact that I will never have another Christmas Training on the team is so depressing that I can't even think about it now....and I probably won't, till its too late. :/ But, with this problem, it does have it's perks! Now I can enjoy this year for what it is and what God is going to teach me through it....It seems like every year for like the past eight years has had some kind of a theme to it, of either learning something specific that God had shown me that year, or learning something more about myself and others, so I'm excited to see what God is going to do with me this year. :)


Now that the swimming is all done for my time here in Cali, now we get to have fun!!! The rest of this evening we have off, so I think I'm gonna read a bit and just relax, then tomorrow we have our "fun day" where I'm gonna be headed off to a Laker's game!! YEA!!! SO stoked! Basketball is one of my favorite sports to watch live, and I'm glad I get to watch it with friends! Our seating tickets are kind of sporatically placed, so hopefully some kind soul will be okay with switching us seats to sit with more of the swimmers. I'm really excited, it'll be way fun. :)


After that we leave sunday morning and I head back to Seattle, go home and pack up, then I'm off driving to Spokompton once again....I guess by now they have had six feet of snow build-up......grrrreeeeeeeeat. I'm not excited to see snow again. Normally I don't mind it, but in Spokane, it is very accessive, and it NEVER melts away. LAME. So pray for me that I can get there safely and on time that night, it'll be a LONG day. I hope everyone had a great New Years!!! I know I did! :)

Christmas Training!

Hey all! So I am now sitting in a house that is right next to a beach with a bunch of girls relaxing....:) this is the life. The few days that it took to get here though have sure been tiring. We have our Christmas training this year in Oxnard California, where we drive for about 45 minutes or so to the pool at California Lutheran. They have a great pool that is shaped in an "L" shape so that they can fit more lanes in. In a few days, the Cal Lutheran team will be joining us in our practices. We started off our practices pretty hard, and they probably won't get any easier, but I was still suprised that I was able to survive them despite how little I was able to actually get into a pool over break...which was basically never. :) hehe. SO, when I arrived at the airport to get picked up by the coaches, I found out that they needed me and a couple other seniors to drive the team around. We were supposed to get mini-vans, but when we went to the rental place, they said that they were all out of vans! So, after an hour or two of going back and forth between car rental lots, we finally got a deal where we could choose any car that was on the lot to drive the people on our team! I chose the Tour 300. It looked kinda like a Bentley, so I was pretty stoked. :) haha. So far through this trip its been really sunny, which is totally exciting considering last year here at this time it was cloudy, windy, rainy, and cold, so this is a wonderful suprise that I am totally taking advantage of. I finally finished the book "Twilight" which I was glad to know didn't disappoint me, eventhough I had already seen the movie twice. :) It definitely helped to get the whole story and some more background info on the Characters....I'm gonna try to dig into "New Moon" soon. :) Tonight I made my house a dinner of tacos and corn, which everyone said were good, so I was excited. :) I need a lot of affirmation on my cooking skills...I'm still working on them. :) So also tonight, everybody is meeting at my house to play games, so that should be a lot of fun. I gotta run, but pray for me that my shoulders won't fall off with the usual soreness that always increases to a painful level at this time in the season. Thanks and I love you all!

This snow is really killing me right now. Totally killing the Christmas spirit and me being able to see everybody.....LAME!! I am stuck at home and my sister already left for her house and my parents are gone, so it's basically really boring at my house and all of my friends are stuck at their houses too so I can't go see them either. Stupid. That is all I have to say about that....So for now, I shall resign myself to reading a book. sigh.

Thoughts from a song...

Hey guys, if you find a moment in your day today to pray, I would really appreciate it if you could pray for my Grandpa Harold Gresset who has been having problems with his heart. It's beating too fast apparently and so he has to get the defibrilator to shock him back to having a normal heart beat. My grandpa doesn't have a whole lot of health problems in his history except when he had a stroke two or so years ago. That was pretty scary, but just prayer that the doctors hands will be steady in all that they do and that the Lord's hands will protect and hold him the whole way through....that would be nice. :) He will be going under probably within an hour or so and it's 9:15 am right now.


My parents are coming home today from Palm Springs, they said sometime in the afternoon around five, so that's on my schedule today for things I gotta do. Also, I'm planning on going shopping for Christmas gifts for my family so maybe that will help me relax a bit.


I was listening this morning to a song called, "You'r Beautiful" by Paul Wright, and it just really made me think...so I thought I'd write my thoughts about it down. There's a couple of songs that just really have this effect on me, and this song is one of them. Here are the lyrics...pretty profound....I like them.


"the world is watching us from a distance,
wanting more from their own existence
tell me how do we make a difference for
eternity, does anybody want to know why we're alive
oh oh oh oh, what's the purpose of this life?oh oh oh oh
before i die and i leave the world behind,
i want to know why i'm alive.
you're created for the creator
to live inside, there's a hole in your soul, and i know that you try,
to fill it with every little thing but the very one who can heal it,
and bring hope to a world that wants to know why they're alive!
spirit cry for this generation (generation),
we're chasing the wind trying to embrace it,
open our eyes to all the lies that we try to justify when deep down inside
all we want to find is someone that loves us all of the time and it's you
yea it's you oh oh
only you
yes it's you
oh oh oh
you're beautiful, came down from heaven just to save my save my soul,
beautiful oh oh oh oh oh
you're so beautiful,
the people of this world are praising you and they arebeautiful oh oh oh oh
you're so beautiful came down from heaven just save my save my soul,
beautiful oh oh oh oh oh
now i'm beautiful."


Wow, there's so much to say about this song...it's so true about us as humans and our need for God. Many ignore this pull from God, or try to pass the inner tug on their heart as if it's something else that they can fill with other unimportant things. I know that I have a hole in my heart that can never be filled but by God only. So often I will try to fill it with other things...things that I can control...things that are only partially satisfying and give me only temporary pleasure. It's such a terrible/beautiful need. I've learned that God did not create me for my own benefit, but for himself. I was made for Him to enjoy, not the other way around. There is no point to my life that is going to give ME any glory...it's GOT to be ALL about Him, or else he won't have it. I can't be selfish and a Christian at the same time. There are people out there that need to feel the love of God and this song really convicts me of my selfishness. It's so unChrist-like. :( How can I tell people that I am a Christian and be such a selfish person?? This past year I have been trying to make this idea of selfishness slowly dissolve, and the more I try, the more I realize that it's a hopeless cause...I'm naturally selfish by birth in sin. I have this HUGE, pathetic/desperate need for Goodness in my life, Humility, Grace, Faith, Gentleness, Love, Peace, and Patience....none of which I can seem to acquire on my own! It's frusterating! I can gain absolutely none of this by anything that I do! aggh! (sometimes it makes me just want to pull out my hair haha!) But I just need to be reminded that it's all about God. It's ALL about God. I get nothing, he gets everything. Now that I think of it though... for saving my soul and loving me ALL the time (even when he is disciplining me), and despite of my sin and who I am for the rest of eternity...I think I get the upper hand of the deal. I get to have a Savior. I get to have someone who is always looking out for me to protect me in every way. He is truly GOOD. No other human can ever be that for me. He's so refreshing from this world. Haha, this thought just occured in my head and I hope I'm not crazy for thinking this, but if you think about the movie "Twilight", there's a line where the vampire dude is saying to the girl that she is like his own personal "drug" because he loves her so much...haha, I kinda thought this was a cool tie to how my relationship with God is when it's at it's most authentic, genuine point. He is like my own personal drug that gives me a dose of Goodness, Love, Faithfulness, etc. The qualities that Jesus posesses makes ME want to pursue Him. And since I'm a girl, it sometimes feels weird or out of place to be the one pursuing, but he's the one man in my life that I know I will be completely safe in pursuing. His qualities are so incredible I just can't help but to desire Him.


This is a weird thought of mine, but I'm going to be bold and say it anyway....if you are at all reading this blog for the first time, (these blogs can basically be shown out to the whole world these days so I wouldn't be suprised) and you don't know Christ as your savior...you should comment on this and I'd love to talk with you, listen to your story and maybe even get a chance to pray for you. God has wonderful plans for all of you...plans of which may be different depending on the eye of the beholder, but my desire for you is that you have God to live your life with for forever, who truly can fulfill yours needs and heal your brokenness. He is a Faithful God.


And to the rest of you who have been following this blog, thanks for hearing me out, sorry I kinda went crazy on this thing, but I just felt for today that if I'm gonna have a blog, I may as well try to praise God with it. Have a blessed day everyone, I love you. :)

The Holidays....:)

My goodness! I haven't been on here for awhile! Well, lots has happened. Thanksgiving was so wonderful with getting to be with my favorite people, my family and friends. They are such a blessing to me and I'm so thankful for them. I loved getting a big warm hug from my mom and dad, and getting to see my little nephew and give him a kiss....he's so cute, I just can't help it. :) God must have planned this out perfectly because I was able to get to see my new niece Hannah over that weekend during my Husky meet to see her only four hours after she was born. She is so precious! Babies are such wonderous creations, God really does miracles in a woman's body. She has a full head of brown hair!! Which was so exciting for me to see! I think it comes from her auntie...;) Although, I'm not sure that the brown is gonna stay very long seeing as how both of her parents are blonde. :) Oh well, I'm gonna enjoy this while I can. :) She is such a sweet baby, very quiet. I love being an aunt...it's wonderful.

The Huskies meet went very well! I went a couple of seasonal best times in the 50 free, and life-time best times in the 100 back, 100 free, and in the 400 free relay! God has been so good to me this season in swimming. I am very thankful not to have any injuries or to have fallen out of love with the sport like so many people I know that still have to survive the season. I think it's because I feel that the actual swimming part of the sport is only partially what I am focused on. God really called me to the sport when I went to Whitworth, and I've been trying to praise him through in it in whatever ways I can think of. But what it really comes down to is the people on the team. You are always being watched. -not in a creepy way or anything. :) but it's more of a feeling of duty, responsibility, and servanthood. People may be looking to me to set a standard, of work ethic, love, and service, in how I treat others, and how I love the sport. This is a hard balance though with school because both demand quite a lot from me. I had a bit of a struggle between school and swimming in the previous years and which should come before which, and when. This year however has been such a gracious year for me. God finally showed me what my passion is and how I can do it in the work force when I graduate...that took a lot of pressure off of my school and helped me to enjoy my classes more for what information that it gave me, rather than just thinking about how I HAD to take them in order to fulfill my requirements. So God has been faithful. :)

Finals went well and I think I did better than I had probably deserved for the amount I studied on the last one, but I'm not going to complain. :) I left for Home Friday at one. I had just walked out of my house at Whitworth when I tried to start my car and the battery had died! So I called a friend to come and help me jumpstart it cuz all my housemates were gone or taking tests, and thankfully he was able to stop by real quickly. I was a little scared at this point because the weather report had said that there was a blizzard approaching Spokane by that evening, so I had to get out of there fast! God was so wonderful, I made it through the pass, just before they closed it due to the snow-fall! I've gotta say, I seem to be noticing God's provision for me so much lately, he's EVERYWHERE!! haha! Kinda weird, but VERY cool. :)

I came home to an empty house. My parents are in Palm Springs spending some wonderful time together. I'm so thankful that my parents love each other so much and want to be around eachother and still go on dates...I think that is really cool. However, I was kind of saddened that because of this, I was not able to see them. :( I got two calls from my sisters Krissy and Lindsey, both offering for me to spend the night with them if I was lonely! How sweet is that!?! I have the best sisters ever....sorry I'm bragging, but as I've gotten older, its been so good to be able to talk to them as friends and more of on an equal level, and we've all gotten a lot closer...so they are pretty much amazing. :) I didn't however end up spending the night, I was pretty tired so I watched law and order and made a dinner for myself. It was good, but the best part was actually after that. I had a great hour or two with my Father which made that night SO worth it. :) God is so cool.

Anyway, I gotta get to bed, tomorrow is church and the kids are presenting their little Christmas show which is always so cute...man, I remember those days of singing in the choir, choir practice, and me, Sarah and Allison goofing off in the back row haha! I never did a significant part in any of the plays, but one year I remember doing a duet with a girl, I think her name was Riley. I was so nervous so I just kinda mumbled into the microphone....my poor parents had to witness the disgrace of their daughter in front of our whole church hahaha! They are troopers. :) but anyway, it snowed tonight! It's so beautiful right now! God's the best artist ever, can't do any better than him, that's for sure. I'm gonna go admire it now. Goodnight!