Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Hey guys,
Just a quick little note today. :) I will not be using this blog for awhile, but you will be notified when it comes back up! Hopefully by that time, I will be well into hair school and ready to share any fun and exciting news about God's work in that area. :) Much love and blessings to you all.
Friday, July 3, 2009
A Lesson Learned. After a LOOOOONG time.
Do you ever get those times where you finally realize how immature you are? ...well, that is me right now...and I've been immature for a looooong time. :) What a fool I can be...and so stubborn too. Praise the Lord I finally can see the light in letting myself trust. It's been a LONG time coming. It's going to be hard for me to not try to control my life, but if the Bible says that I have a reason to hope, then I'm going to start believing it now where before I thought it was too risky. I used to think that I could figure life out all by myself, and my mind took over. Once I was using only my mind to figure out how life should go, I was miserable and fearful. I really had to struggle to create some semblance of peace for myself most days. I realize now that it's not the mind that finds God, but the heart. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for praying over my life friends. God has blessed me with you. I plan and hope to be obedient to trust in Him from now on... Continued prayer for me in this area would be GREATLY appreciated, I'm a lot more stubborn at heart than I thought I was, nor did I realize how very deeply entrenched I was in this mindset. So thanks, and I hope all is well with you all. :) You are in my thoughts and prayers. God is so merciful and gracious.
Love, Britt
Love, Britt
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Bethany Parallel Commentary
Ok, so since I wrote out those whole two passages in the previous blog, I decided to look a little further into the message. I found a commentary on the two passages and reluctantly I realized that I was wrong about a few things but was on the right track on others...I know right, go figure!? I found Matthew Henry's words to have a profound yet factual influence on my perspective of these two passages. I think it's WELL worth looking into and basically is like a sermon in writing. So here's what it said: oh, p.s.-I wouldn't start reading this unless you have some time on your hands.
On Psalm 55:
I. David praying. Prayer is a salve for every sore and a relief to the spirit under every burden: Give ear to my prayer, O God! v. 1. Hide not thyself from my supplication. If we, in our prayers, sincerely lay open ourselves, our case, our hearts to God, we have reason to hope that he will not hide himself, his favours, his comforts, from us.
II. David weeping; for in this he was a type of Christ that he was a man of sorrows and often in tears (v.2): "I mourn in my complaint" (or in my meditation, my melancholy musings), "and I make a noise; I cannot forbear such sighs and groans, and other expressions of grief, as discover it to those about me." It is because of the voice of the enemy, the menaces and insults of Absalom's party, that swelled, and hectored, and stirred up the people to cry out against David, and shout him out of his palace and capital city, as afterwards the chief priests stirred up the mob to cry out against the Son of David, Away with him-Crucify him. They cast iniquity upon me. They hated him themselves, and therefore they studied to make him odious, that others also might hate him. This made him mourn, and the more because he could remember the time when he was the darling of the people, and answered to his name, David-a beloved one.
III. David trembling, and in great consternation. We may well suppose him to be so upon the breaking out of Absalom's conspiracy and the genereal defection of the people. David was a man of great boldness, and in some very eminent instances had signalized his courage, and yet, when the danger was surprising and immanent, his heart failed him. Now David's heart is sorely pained within him; the terrors of death have fallen upon him, vs. 4. Fearfulness of mind and trembling of body came upon him, and horror covered and overwhelmed him, vs.5. Sometimes David's faith made him, in a manner, fearless, and he could boldly say, when surrounded with enemies, I will not be afraid what man dan do unto me. But at other times his fears prevail and tyrannize; for the best men are not always alike strong in faith. How desirous he was, in this fright, to retire into a desert, anywhere to be far enough from hearing the voice of the enemy and seeing their oppressions. He said (v.6), to God in complaint, O that I had wings like a dove! He was so surrounded with enemies that he saw not how he could escape but upon the wing, and therefore he wishes, O that I had wings! not like a hawk that flies strongly, but like a dove that flies swiftly; he wishes for wings, not to fly upon the prey, but to fly from the birds of prey, for such his enemies were. The dove flies low, and takes shelter as soon as she can, and thus would David fly. He would make his escape -from the wind, storm, and tempest, the tumult and ferment that the city was now in, and the danger to which he was exposed. "I would fly away and be at rest, v.6." I would fly anywhere, if it were to a barren frightful wilderness, ever so far off, so I might be quiet," vs. 7
Verses 9-15:
David here complains of his enemies, whose wicked plots had brought him, though not his faith's end, yet to his wits' end.
I. The character he gives of the enemies. THey were of the worst sort of men, and his description of them agrees very well with Absalom and fell off from David: How has that faithful city become a harlot! David did himself see nothing but violence and strife in the city. (vs. 9). He saw that violence and strife went about it day and night, and mounted its guards, vs. 10. Wickedness, all manner of wickedness, is in the midst thereof. Deceit and guile, and all manner of treacherous dealing, departed not from her streets,vs. 11. Is Jerusalem, the headquarters of God's priests, so ill taught? Can Jerusalem be ungrateful to David himself, its own illustrious founder, and be made too hot for him, so that he cannot reside in it? He complains of one of the ringleaders of the conspiracy, that had been very industrious to foment jealousies, to misrepresent him and his government, and to incense the city against him. Who was most active in it? "Not a sworn enemy, not Shimei, nor any of the nonjurors; then I could have borne it, for I should not have espected better from them." But it was thou, a man my equal vs. 13. The Chaldee-paraphrase names Ahithophel as the person here meant. "We took counsel together, spent many an hour together, with a great deal of pleasure, in religious discourse," or as Dr. Hammond reads it, "We joined ourselves together to the assembly"; I gave him the right hand of fellowship in holy ordinances, and then we walked to the house of God in company, to attendd the public service." There always has been, and always will be, a good mixture of good and bad, sound and unsound, in the visible church. We must not wonder if we be sadly deceived in some that have made great pretensions to those two sacred things, religion and friendship; David himself, though a very wise man, was thus imposed upon, which may make similar disappointments the more tolerable. to us.
II. His prayers against them. He prays, 1. that God would disperse them, as he did the Babel-builders. (v.9): "Destroy, O Lord! and divide their tongues; by making them to disagree among themselves, and clash with one another." God often destroys the church's enemies by dividing them; nor is there a surer way to the destruction of any people than their division. 2. That God would destroy them, as hw did Dathan and Abiram, (Num. xvi. 30). "Let death seize upon them by divine warrant, and let them go down quickly into hell; let them be dead, and buried, and so utterly destroyed, in a moment; for wickedness is wherever they are; it is in the midst of them."
Verses 16-23:
In these verses,
I. David perseveres in his resolution to call upon God, being well assured that he should seek him in vain (v. 16): "As for me, let them take what course they please to secure themselves, let violence and strife be their guides, prayer shall be mine; this I have found comfort in, and thereforethis will I abide by: I will call upon God, and commit myself to him, and the Lord shall save me." "I will pray and cry aloud. I will meditate" (so former word signifies). He will pray frequently, every day, and three times a day-(evening, and morning, and noon.) Thos that think three meals a day little enough for the body ought much more to think three solemn prayers a day little enough for the soul, and to count it a pleasure, not a task. It was Daniel's practice to pray three times a day (Dan. vi. 10), and noon was one of Peter's hours of prayer, Acts x.9.
II. He assures himself that God would in due time give an answer of peace to his prayers. 1. That he himself should be delivered and his fears prevented. He begins to rejoice in hope (v.18): God has delivered my soul in peace, that is, he will deliver it; David is as sure of the deliverance as if it were already wrought. With an eye of faith he now sees himself surrounded, as Elisha was, with chariots of fire and horses of fire, and therefore triumphs thus, There are many with me, more with me than against me, 2 kings vi.16,17. 2. That his enemies should be reckoned with, and brought down.
(1) David here gives their character as the reason why he expected God would bring them down. They stand in no awe of God (v. 19): "Because they have no changes (no afflictions, no interruption to the constant course of their prosperity, no crosses to empty them from vessel to vessel) therefore they fear not God." THey are treacherous and false, and will not be held by the most sacred and solemn engagements (v.20). They are base and hypocritical, pretending friendship whil they design mischief (v.21): "The words of his mouth" (Probably, he means Ahithophel particularly) "Were smoother than butter and softer than oil, yet, at the same time, war was in his heart, and those very words had such a mischevious design in them that they were as drawn swords designed to stab."
(2) David here foretells their ruin. God shall hear and afflict them. God shall bring them down. They were bloody men, and cut others off, and therefore God will justly cut them off: they were deceitful men, and defrauded others of the one-half perhaps of what was their due, and now God will cut them short.
III. He encourages himself and all good people to commit themselves to God, with confidence in him. "I will trust thee, in thy providence, and power, and mercy, and not in my own prudence, strength, or merit; when bloody and deceitful men are cut off in the midst of their days I shall still live by faith in thee." And this he will have others to do (v.22): "Cast thy burden upon the Lord, whoever thou art that art burdened, and whatever the burden is." Cast thy care upon the Lord, so the LXX, to which the apostle refers, 1 Pet. v.7. Care is a burden; it makes the heart stoop (Prov.xii.25). To cast our burden upon God is to stay ourselves on his providence and promise. If we do so, it is promised, 1. That he will sustain us. He has not promised to free us immediately from that trouble which gives rise to our cares and fears; but he will provide that we be not tempted above what we are able. 2. That he will never suffer the righteous to be moved, to be so shaken by any troubles as to quit either their duty to God, or their comfort in him.
That's all for the first passage, I'll give you the background history from the commentary next time on the other passage. It's just as good! :)
On Psalm 55:
I. David praying. Prayer is a salve for every sore and a relief to the spirit under every burden: Give ear to my prayer, O God! v. 1. Hide not thyself from my supplication. If we, in our prayers, sincerely lay open ourselves, our case, our hearts to God, we have reason to hope that he will not hide himself, his favours, his comforts, from us.
II. David weeping; for in this he was a type of Christ that he was a man of sorrows and often in tears (v.2): "I mourn in my complaint" (or in my meditation, my melancholy musings), "and I make a noise; I cannot forbear such sighs and groans, and other expressions of grief, as discover it to those about me." It is because of the voice of the enemy, the menaces and insults of Absalom's party, that swelled, and hectored, and stirred up the people to cry out against David, and shout him out of his palace and capital city, as afterwards the chief priests stirred up the mob to cry out against the Son of David, Away with him-Crucify him. They cast iniquity upon me. They hated him themselves, and therefore they studied to make him odious, that others also might hate him. This made him mourn, and the more because he could remember the time when he was the darling of the people, and answered to his name, David-a beloved one.
III. David trembling, and in great consternation. We may well suppose him to be so upon the breaking out of Absalom's conspiracy and the genereal defection of the people. David was a man of great boldness, and in some very eminent instances had signalized his courage, and yet, when the danger was surprising and immanent, his heart failed him. Now David's heart is sorely pained within him; the terrors of death have fallen upon him, vs. 4. Fearfulness of mind and trembling of body came upon him, and horror covered and overwhelmed him, vs.5. Sometimes David's faith made him, in a manner, fearless, and he could boldly say, when surrounded with enemies, I will not be afraid what man dan do unto me. But at other times his fears prevail and tyrannize; for the best men are not always alike strong in faith. How desirous he was, in this fright, to retire into a desert, anywhere to be far enough from hearing the voice of the enemy and seeing their oppressions. He said (v.6), to God in complaint, O that I had wings like a dove! He was so surrounded with enemies that he saw not how he could escape but upon the wing, and therefore he wishes, O that I had wings! not like a hawk that flies strongly, but like a dove that flies swiftly; he wishes for wings, not to fly upon the prey, but to fly from the birds of prey, for such his enemies were. The dove flies low, and takes shelter as soon as she can, and thus would David fly. He would make his escape -from the wind, storm, and tempest, the tumult and ferment that the city was now in, and the danger to which he was exposed. "I would fly away and be at rest, v.6." I would fly anywhere, if it were to a barren frightful wilderness, ever so far off, so I might be quiet," vs. 7
Verses 9-15:
David here complains of his enemies, whose wicked plots had brought him, though not his faith's end, yet to his wits' end.
I. The character he gives of the enemies. THey were of the worst sort of men, and his description of them agrees very well with Absalom and fell off from David: How has that faithful city become a harlot! David did himself see nothing but violence and strife in the city. (vs. 9). He saw that violence and strife went about it day and night, and mounted its guards, vs. 10. Wickedness, all manner of wickedness, is in the midst thereof. Deceit and guile, and all manner of treacherous dealing, departed not from her streets,vs. 11. Is Jerusalem, the headquarters of God's priests, so ill taught? Can Jerusalem be ungrateful to David himself, its own illustrious founder, and be made too hot for him, so that he cannot reside in it? He complains of one of the ringleaders of the conspiracy, that had been very industrious to foment jealousies, to misrepresent him and his government, and to incense the city against him. Who was most active in it? "Not a sworn enemy, not Shimei, nor any of the nonjurors; then I could have borne it, for I should not have espected better from them." But it was thou, a man my equal vs. 13. The Chaldee-paraphrase names Ahithophel as the person here meant. "We took counsel together, spent many an hour together, with a great deal of pleasure, in religious discourse," or as Dr. Hammond reads it, "We joined ourselves together to the assembly"; I gave him the right hand of fellowship in holy ordinances, and then we walked to the house of God in company, to attendd the public service." There always has been, and always will be, a good mixture of good and bad, sound and unsound, in the visible church. We must not wonder if we be sadly deceived in some that have made great pretensions to those two sacred things, religion and friendship; David himself, though a very wise man, was thus imposed upon, which may make similar disappointments the more tolerable. to us.
II. His prayers against them. He prays, 1. that God would disperse them, as he did the Babel-builders. (v.9): "Destroy, O Lord! and divide their tongues; by making them to disagree among themselves, and clash with one another." God often destroys the church's enemies by dividing them; nor is there a surer way to the destruction of any people than their division. 2. That God would destroy them, as hw did Dathan and Abiram, (Num. xvi. 30). "Let death seize upon them by divine warrant, and let them go down quickly into hell; let them be dead, and buried, and so utterly destroyed, in a moment; for wickedness is wherever they are; it is in the midst of them."
Verses 16-23:
In these verses,
I. David perseveres in his resolution to call upon God, being well assured that he should seek him in vain (v. 16): "As for me, let them take what course they please to secure themselves, let violence and strife be their guides, prayer shall be mine; this I have found comfort in, and thereforethis will I abide by: I will call upon God, and commit myself to him, and the Lord shall save me." "I will pray and cry aloud. I will meditate" (so former word signifies). He will pray frequently, every day, and three times a day-(evening, and morning, and noon.) Thos that think three meals a day little enough for the body ought much more to think three solemn prayers a day little enough for the soul, and to count it a pleasure, not a task. It was Daniel's practice to pray three times a day (Dan. vi. 10), and noon was one of Peter's hours of prayer, Acts x.9.
II. He assures himself that God would in due time give an answer of peace to his prayers. 1. That he himself should be delivered and his fears prevented. He begins to rejoice in hope (v.18): God has delivered my soul in peace, that is, he will deliver it; David is as sure of the deliverance as if it were already wrought. With an eye of faith he now sees himself surrounded, as Elisha was, with chariots of fire and horses of fire, and therefore triumphs thus, There are many with me, more with me than against me, 2 kings vi.16,17. 2. That his enemies should be reckoned with, and brought down.
(1) David here gives their character as the reason why he expected God would bring them down. They stand in no awe of God (v. 19): "Because they have no changes (no afflictions, no interruption to the constant course of their prosperity, no crosses to empty them from vessel to vessel) therefore they fear not God." THey are treacherous and false, and will not be held by the most sacred and solemn engagements (v.20). They are base and hypocritical, pretending friendship whil they design mischief (v.21): "The words of his mouth" (Probably, he means Ahithophel particularly) "Were smoother than butter and softer than oil, yet, at the same time, war was in his heart, and those very words had such a mischevious design in them that they were as drawn swords designed to stab."
(2) David here foretells their ruin. God shall hear and afflict them. God shall bring them down. They were bloody men, and cut others off, and therefore God will justly cut them off: they were deceitful men, and defrauded others of the one-half perhaps of what was their due, and now God will cut them short.
III. He encourages himself and all good people to commit themselves to God, with confidence in him. "I will trust thee, in thy providence, and power, and mercy, and not in my own prudence, strength, or merit; when bloody and deceitful men are cut off in the midst of their days I shall still live by faith in thee." And this he will have others to do (v.22): "Cast thy burden upon the Lord, whoever thou art that art burdened, and whatever the burden is." Cast thy care upon the Lord, so the LXX, to which the apostle refers, 1 Pet. v.7. Care is a burden; it makes the heart stoop (Prov.xii.25). To cast our burden upon God is to stay ourselves on his providence and promise. If we do so, it is promised, 1. That he will sustain us. He has not promised to free us immediately from that trouble which gives rise to our cares and fears; but he will provide that we be not tempted above what we are able. 2. That he will never suffer the righteous to be moved, to be so shaken by any troubles as to quit either their duty to God, or their comfort in him.
That's all for the first passage, I'll give you the background history from the commentary next time on the other passage. It's just as good! :)
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Untitled #2 / anonymous
"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the Land of the Living. Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord." Psalm 27: 13-14
"Being a Christian is hard."
"I chose when I was very little that I would follow you. The weight of this decision was eternal. I can not and will not be convinced to regret this decision. God will be glorified." -anonymous
"I love the word 'integrity', there's something so attractive about it."
"Blessings follow obedience."
"They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed." -Psalm 34:5
"Come, you children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord." -Psalm 34:11
"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, And saves those who are crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous; but the Lord delivers him out of them all." -Psalm 34: 18
(Wow, some strong language in this one, God doesn't joke around about this kind of stuff.)
"You love all words that devour, O deceitful tongue. But God will break you down forever; He will snatch you up, and tear you away from your tent, And uproot you from the land of the living." -Psalm 52: 3-5
This is intense...Read it real carefully, it took me a couple times over to figure out what this passage was saying, but it sure doesn't make me feel good. But it's truth, can't avoid it.
Psalm 55...
"Give ear to my prayer, O God; And do not hide Thyself from my supplication.
Give heed to me, and answer me; I am restless in my complaint and am surely distracted,
Because of the voice of the enemy,
Because of the pressure of the wicked;
For they bring down trouble upon me, And in anger they bear a grudge against me.
My heart is in anguish within me, and the terrors of death have fallen upon me.
Fear and trembling come upon me; and horror has overwhelmed me.
And I said, "Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest."
"Behold, I would wander far away, I would lodge in the wilderness. Selah."
"I would hasten to my place of refuge from the stormy wind and tempest." -(How often do I run away from truth expecting to be able to hide in some soft, comfortable place?)
Confuse, O Lord, divide their tongues, For I have seen violence and strife in the city.
Day and night they go around her upon her walls; and iniquity and mischief are in her midst.
Destruction is in her midst; Oppression and deceit do not depart from her streets.
(Here's the part where it gets even more intense and uncomfortable...)
For it is not an enemy who reproaches me, Then I could bear it;
Nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me, Then I could hide myself from him.
But it is YOU, a man my equal, My companion and my familiar friend...
We who had sweet fellowship together, Walked in the house of God in the throng.
Let death com deceitfully upon them; (You uncomfortable yet? :))
Let them go down alive to Sheol, For evil is in their dwelling, in their midst.
As for me, I shall call upon God, And the Lord will save me. (Wow, what faith...it's so independent of the people around him!)
Evening and morning and at noon, I will complain and murmur, And He will hear my voice. He will redeem my soul in peace from the battle which is against me, For they are many who strive with me.
God will hear and answer them-
Even the one who sits enthroned from of old...
With whom there is no change...
And who do not fear God... (Chills should probably be running down all of our spines right now, and rightfully so!)
He has put forth his hands against those who were at peace with him; He has violated his covenant.
His speech was smoother than butter, But his heart was WAR;
His words were softer than oil, yet they were drawn SWORDS. (Quite the imagery here.)
Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.
But thou, O God, wilt bring them down to the pit of destruction; Men of bloodshed and deceit will not live out half their days.
But I will trust in THEE."
(Whew! My word.... I gotta take a breather on this one...)
Ok, the next passage. Read this with me and if you've got the time or the willingness, let me know what your thoughts are on it.
The Title given to it in my Bible says, "The Vanity of Life"
Psalms 39...
"I said, 'I will guard my ways, that I may not sin with my tongue;
I will guard my mouth as with a muzzle, While the wicked are in my presence."
I was dumb and silent, I refrained even from good; And my sorrow grew worse. (I think this means that if anyone plans on being a light for Christ, they can't only follow the "rules" of taking the Lord's name in vain, etc, but they should additionally sacrifice something of themselves each time, as much as they can. It takes a lot of courage and faith to talk about God.) ( This is good for me to know!)
My heart was hot within me;
While I was musing the fire burned; Then I spoke with my tongue: (When you are silent about your faith in a place that God has plainly made it clear that you are different, he doesn't want us to muffle it? Letting it sit in our heads probably isn't going to make it any better I guess.)
"Lord, make me to know my end, And what is the extent of my days,
Let me know how transient I am. (Haha, whenever I see this in the bible, or ask it of God myself in life, I should just expect that it'll be a depressingly small amount of time. haha.)
Behold, Thou hast made my days as handbreadths, And my lifetime as nothing in Thy sight, Surely every man at his best, is a mere breath.
Surely every man walks about as a phantom;
Surely they make an uproar for nothing;
He amasses riches, and does not know who will gather them.
And now, Lord, for what do I wait??!
My hope is in THEE. (Faith is so incredible to me...some people can have the faith as tiny as a mustard seed but given that person is humble and obedient to Him, God can make it grow RIDICULOUSLY huge, although that is not without great tribulation at first. :))
Deliver me from all my transgressions; Make me not the reproach of the foolish. (In essence, I'm guessing that this calls us to be blameless in the sight of both God and man.)
"I have become dumb, I do not open my mouth, because it is Thou who hast done it. (I am curious about this sentence because it sounds as though David is blaming God for not being gutsey and speaking out??....isn't that kinda David's own fault?....I don't know, if anyone has some clarity on any of this for me, feel free to spit something out. :))
Remove thy plague from me; Because of the opposition of thy hand, I am perishing.
With reproofs thou dost chasten a man for iniquity; Thou dost consume as a moth what is precious to him; surely every man is a mere breath. (I think this means that we shouldn't even try to hold onto the "things" in life because God will snatch them away from us as fast as you can blink...so what's the point? Yeah, things are great to have, but it seems pretty important that we know the degree to which we are holding on to these things and know that we can let go of them at a moments notice.)
"Hear my prayer, O Lord, and give ear to my cry; Do not be silent at my tears; for I am a stranger with Thee, a sojourner like all my fathers. Turn Thy gaze away from me, that I may smile again, Before I depart and am no more."
"Being a Christian is hard."
"I chose when I was very little that I would follow you. The weight of this decision was eternal. I can not and will not be convinced to regret this decision. God will be glorified." -anonymous
"I love the word 'integrity', there's something so attractive about it."
"Blessings follow obedience."
"They looked to Him and were radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed." -Psalm 34:5
"Come, you children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord." -Psalm 34:11
"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, And saves those who are crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous; but the Lord delivers him out of them all." -Psalm 34: 18
(Wow, some strong language in this one, God doesn't joke around about this kind of stuff.)
"You love all words that devour, O deceitful tongue. But God will break you down forever; He will snatch you up, and tear you away from your tent, And uproot you from the land of the living." -Psalm 52: 3-5
This is intense...Read it real carefully, it took me a couple times over to figure out what this passage was saying, but it sure doesn't make me feel good. But it's truth, can't avoid it.
Psalm 55...
"Give ear to my prayer, O God; And do not hide Thyself from my supplication.
Give heed to me, and answer me; I am restless in my complaint and am surely distracted,
Because of the voice of the enemy,
Because of the pressure of the wicked;
For they bring down trouble upon me, And in anger they bear a grudge against me.
My heart is in anguish within me, and the terrors of death have fallen upon me.
Fear and trembling come upon me; and horror has overwhelmed me.
And I said, "Oh, that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest."
"Behold, I would wander far away, I would lodge in the wilderness. Selah."
"I would hasten to my place of refuge from the stormy wind and tempest." -(How often do I run away from truth expecting to be able to hide in some soft, comfortable place?)
Confuse, O Lord, divide their tongues, For I have seen violence and strife in the city.
Day and night they go around her upon her walls; and iniquity and mischief are in her midst.
Destruction is in her midst; Oppression and deceit do not depart from her streets.
(Here's the part where it gets even more intense and uncomfortable...)
For it is not an enemy who reproaches me, Then I could bear it;
Nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me, Then I could hide myself from him.
But it is YOU, a man my equal, My companion and my familiar friend...
We who had sweet fellowship together, Walked in the house of God in the throng.
Let death com deceitfully upon them; (You uncomfortable yet? :))
Let them go down alive to Sheol, For evil is in their dwelling, in their midst.
As for me, I shall call upon God, And the Lord will save me. (Wow, what faith...it's so independent of the people around him!)
Evening and morning and at noon, I will complain and murmur, And He will hear my voice. He will redeem my soul in peace from the battle which is against me, For they are many who strive with me.
God will hear and answer them-
Even the one who sits enthroned from of old...
With whom there is no change...
And who do not fear God... (Chills should probably be running down all of our spines right now, and rightfully so!)
He has put forth his hands against those who were at peace with him; He has violated his covenant.
His speech was smoother than butter, But his heart was WAR;
His words were softer than oil, yet they were drawn SWORDS. (Quite the imagery here.)
Cast your burden upon the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.
But thou, O God, wilt bring them down to the pit of destruction; Men of bloodshed and deceit will not live out half their days.
But I will trust in THEE."
(Whew! My word.... I gotta take a breather on this one...)
Ok, the next passage. Read this with me and if you've got the time or the willingness, let me know what your thoughts are on it.
The Title given to it in my Bible says, "The Vanity of Life"
Psalms 39...
"I said, 'I will guard my ways, that I may not sin with my tongue;
I will guard my mouth as with a muzzle, While the wicked are in my presence."
I was dumb and silent, I refrained even from good; And my sorrow grew worse. (I think this means that if anyone plans on being a light for Christ, they can't only follow the "rules" of taking the Lord's name in vain, etc, but they should additionally sacrifice something of themselves each time, as much as they can. It takes a lot of courage and faith to talk about God.) ( This is good for me to know!)
My heart was hot within me;
While I was musing the fire burned; Then I spoke with my tongue: (When you are silent about your faith in a place that God has plainly made it clear that you are different, he doesn't want us to muffle it? Letting it sit in our heads probably isn't going to make it any better I guess.)
"Lord, make me to know my end, And what is the extent of my days,
Let me know how transient I am. (Haha, whenever I see this in the bible, or ask it of God myself in life, I should just expect that it'll be a depressingly small amount of time. haha.)
Behold, Thou hast made my days as handbreadths, And my lifetime as nothing in Thy sight, Surely every man at his best, is a mere breath.
Surely every man walks about as a phantom;
Surely they make an uproar for nothing;
He amasses riches, and does not know who will gather them.
And now, Lord, for what do I wait??!
My hope is in THEE. (Faith is so incredible to me...some people can have the faith as tiny as a mustard seed but given that person is humble and obedient to Him, God can make it grow RIDICULOUSLY huge, although that is not without great tribulation at first. :))
Deliver me from all my transgressions; Make me not the reproach of the foolish. (In essence, I'm guessing that this calls us to be blameless in the sight of both God and man.)
"I have become dumb, I do not open my mouth, because it is Thou who hast done it. (I am curious about this sentence because it sounds as though David is blaming God for not being gutsey and speaking out??....isn't that kinda David's own fault?....I don't know, if anyone has some clarity on any of this for me, feel free to spit something out. :))
Remove thy plague from me; Because of the opposition of thy hand, I am perishing.
With reproofs thou dost chasten a man for iniquity; Thou dost consume as a moth what is precious to him; surely every man is a mere breath. (I think this means that we shouldn't even try to hold onto the "things" in life because God will snatch them away from us as fast as you can blink...so what's the point? Yeah, things are great to have, but it seems pretty important that we know the degree to which we are holding on to these things and know that we can let go of them at a moments notice.)
"Hear my prayer, O Lord, and give ear to my cry; Do not be silent at my tears; for I am a stranger with Thee, a sojourner like all my fathers. Turn Thy gaze away from me, that I may smile again, Before I depart and am no more."
Monday, June 15, 2009
Untitled.
Lord...give me the gift of faith to be renewed and shared with others each day. Teach me to live this moment only, looking neither to the past with regret, nor the future with apprehension. Let love be my aim and my life a prayer.
-Roseanne Alexander-Isham
Dearest God, help us to pray more. We forget sometimes to ask You first before we do things or make decisions. We want to share our lives with You more. We need Your wisdom. We need to hear Your voice. Please help us. Amen.
Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.
Colossians 4:2
God thirsts to be thirsted after.
-Augustine
In the ongoing work of the kingdom of God, nothing is more important than Intercessory Prayer. People today desperately need the help that we can give them. We can make a difference if we will learn to pray for them.
-Richard J. Foster
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be JOYFUL in hope, PATIENT in affliction, FAITHFUL in prayer.
-Romans 12:10-12
It is impossible for me to overstate the need for prayer in the fabric of family life.
-James Dobson
And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ.
-Philippians 1:9-10
We may be surprised at whom God sends to answer our prayers.
-Janette Oke
May the Lord keep watch between you and me when we are away from each other.
-Genesis 31:49
If we do not listen we do not come to the truth. If we do not pray we do not even get as far as listening....Four things go together: silence, listening, prayer, truth.
-Hubert Van Zeller
What God gives in answer to our prayers will always be the thing we most urgently nedd, and it will always be sufficient.
-Elisabeth Elliot
If you can't pray as you want to, pray as you can. God knows what you mean.
-Vance Havner
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.
-Romans 8:26
We desire many things and [God] offers us only one thing. He can offer us ONLY ONE THING-Himself. He has nothing else to give. There IS nothing else to give.
-Peter Kreeft
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.
1 Thess. 5:11
Falling asleep in prayer is no problem. You can rest in God's presence. Besides, next to the heart of God is a good place, a SAFE place, for sleeping.
-Richard J Foster
Hear, O Lord, and answer me, for I am poor and needy.
Psalm 86:1
May the God of all peace strengthen you, bless you, and give you joy.
-Richard J. Foster
-Roseanne Alexander-Isham
Dearest God, help us to pray more. We forget sometimes to ask You first before we do things or make decisions. We want to share our lives with You more. We need Your wisdom. We need to hear Your voice. Please help us. Amen.
Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.
Colossians 4:2
God thirsts to be thirsted after.
-Augustine
In the ongoing work of the kingdom of God, nothing is more important than Intercessory Prayer. People today desperately need the help that we can give them. We can make a difference if we will learn to pray for them.
-Richard J. Foster
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be JOYFUL in hope, PATIENT in affliction, FAITHFUL in prayer.
-Romans 12:10-12
It is impossible for me to overstate the need for prayer in the fabric of family life.
-James Dobson
And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ.
-Philippians 1:9-10
We may be surprised at whom God sends to answer our prayers.
-Janette Oke
May the Lord keep watch between you and me when we are away from each other.
-Genesis 31:49
If we do not listen we do not come to the truth. If we do not pray we do not even get as far as listening....Four things go together: silence, listening, prayer, truth.
-Hubert Van Zeller
What God gives in answer to our prayers will always be the thing we most urgently nedd, and it will always be sufficient.
-Elisabeth Elliot
If you can't pray as you want to, pray as you can. God knows what you mean.
-Vance Havner
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.
-Romans 8:26
We desire many things and [God] offers us only one thing. He can offer us ONLY ONE THING-Himself. He has nothing else to give. There IS nothing else to give.
-Peter Kreeft
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.
1 Thess. 5:11
Falling asleep in prayer is no problem. You can rest in God's presence. Besides, next to the heart of God is a good place, a SAFE place, for sleeping.
-Richard J Foster
Hear, O Lord, and answer me, for I am poor and needy.
Psalm 86:1
May the God of all peace strengthen you, bless you, and give you joy.
-Richard J. Foster
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Reflections with bluberries and sun....
As you can see....I have been neglected my blog for quite some time now. Here is my attempt to catch you all up as I eat a whole box of Costco blue berries and enjoy the Palm Springs sun! :)
Graduation:
Wow, what a crazy couple of weeks that was! I tried to do as much as I could those last couple of weeks by hanging out with friends, soaking up my last bit of education....:( which I am still pretty depressed about having to leave that....but the end had to come whether I wanted it to or not. towards the last couple of weeks of school I ended up going to Seattle to be in my friend Angela's wedding which was lots of fun, she looked OH so lovely. :) That weekend was extremely busy with travel and events going on. The day after the wedding I went and visited The Salon Professional in Tacoma. It's a great beauty school and I really liked the owner lady, her and her husband own the school and have been expanding a lot recently and are in the process of being accredited. I'm not sure if that's where I'll be going, but it's a thought and I really liked the lady. After that I flew back to school where the next day I did homework all day until I attended a basketball banquet. It was a lot of fun, or so I thought, however I was kind of confused as the guy I went with all hadn't really communicated much with me before the event, or after for that matter....so I have NO clue what that means....I had concluded not to worry too much about it though, boys confuse me so much. I'm tired of trying to figure them out. I'm trying to just focus on what I need to do now. But anyway, I was still thankful for the experience and happy I got to go.
Then a week went past of lots of pulling together multiple group projects, presentations, and papers, and that weekend we had the senior boat cruise! All the seniors at Whitworth were invited to a boat cruise on Lake Cour d'alene. It's a beautiful place and I got to drive up there with a whole bunch of the swimmers so it was great to be among friends! I saw a lot of my old and current house-mates there which was awesome and I was sure to step out on to the dance floor at one point for the only disco-type song that they played. It was the song "ladies-night." It made me smile. :) Then the next weekend was graduation weekend...man, what a weird feeling. It felt way too soon. I honestly didn't mind the school-work too much...I didn't like it of course, but I felt that it was better than having to work. I can be thankful though that I've found something that I really love to do and I am very excited to get that started. Before graduation though my parents came up on Saturday to see me at the senior slide-show awards assembly. Apparently I got nominated for the Dennis Spurlock memorial Award! It was a very big honor and it was so incredible, humbling, and encouraging to have been awarded this honor. God had really blessed me during my college experience and to have my coach and all the other coaches at my school give me this was amazingly humbling and honoring. Couldn't have asked for a better ending to my college sports career. Then ALL THREE of my sisters were able to make it out to my graduation on Sunday!!! This is an incredible feat for the Gresset girls to all be in one place, including both parents, and without their husbands, haha! It was perfect for me to have all of my sisters there to see me in my final day of school before I entered the work force. It reminded me of old times and I was so thankful that they all came out. Lindsey even took a day off of work to come up and help me pack! I'm so thankful for my sisters. seriously.
Well graduation was fun, I ended up sitting next to a guy who was undoubtedly buzzed because I was about to keel over from the overwhelming smell haha! We were packed in the arena like sardines! But oh well, he was apparently pretty nervous to graduate. Thankfully I did not trip, although I had on probably the highest heels in my possession. :) (Oh the pains we females will endure just to wear a cute pair of shoes...;)) When the president shook my hand and gave me my diploma thing, he said he enjoyed watching me swim!! I couldn't believe it! the president of Whitworth knew who I was and had watched me swim!! (This was definitely the icing on the cake to my graduation, for sure.) After graduation I tried to say good bye to as many people as I could that were still left wandering around, but it was REAL sad. I just wasn't ready to say goodbye yet. I had packed everything up that night and went to a couple of graduation parties to see some people off, but I still didn't feel as much closure as I wanted.
Apparently God was gonna make me wait to let the tears flow until the next day when I turned in my swim sweats to the head swim coach, Steve. Steve was the single way that I had gotten into Whitworth. I owed that man my whole college experience and I worked as HARD as I possibly could to please him and make my swimming for him as beneficial for him as possible. He was so sweet and said the kindest things to me about having me on the team and being blessed to have me...I just broke after that. My mom started crying and then I just SOBBED. I needed to do it. I had to get some emotion out. I always bottle my emotions up as best I can and God just knew he had to pull the plug and let'r-rip. Me, my mom and my grandma just sat there for a little while in the car and cried. Each for our own reasons really. Sometimes I wish I would cry more often. One of the girls on my team, Natalie cried as she said bye to me, and she gave me this women's study bible that meant SO much to me. I could tell that she really cared about me and I wish I could have cried to show her how deeply thankful I was for her and everything that we had gone through for the past three years (believe me, we've been through a LOT). I was just so frustrated though because I just couldn't let it all out yet; my body wouldn't let me and my mind was still trying to be in denial. The drive home was difficult, but it was good to drive only with Lindsey in the car. We had a good talk and she distracted me as much as possible. I just found it hard to pick up and leave when I've put so much effort and heart into the people at Whitworth. It was kind of my escape and now I don't have that "family" type atmosphere and security anymore. The week or two after graduation I was quite depressed. My mom's twin sister and her husband were staying at our house for the past couple of weeks because Dick had been really sick and needed to fly in from Alaska. Then I got real sick the day after I got back from school so that just kinda added to my misery at the time haha!
I went to the last day of BSF for this year which was cool. It was good to be around people I thought but it was a little surreal being there so soon and re-socializing myself with people i didn't really know very well coming from school where I had known a lot of people for a while now. But it was good and I'm excited for next year. I guess we're going to be studying the book of John! I'm interested to see what I'll learn. I'm also excited for the softball league that BSF has every summer, this time I'll be able to join for a whole season and not leave for school for the playoffs! I'm pretty stoked for that. I'm also hoping to be on a soccer team this summer too so I can keep a foot in sports still. I think I'd get extremely depressed if I got both school AND team sports taken away from me at this point. I even bought some soccer gear and a baseball glove at the Nike outlet here in California so I am SO totally motivated to play right now haha!
Now I'm in Palm Springs and have been shopping with mom like a MANIAC!!! Seriously, I have never shopped this much for this many days consecutively in my LIFE. Ridiculous. But I got a lot done and have gifts for family members birthdays and father's day coming up. I'm excited for Lisa and Rob to come down and join us with Hollace and Hannah tomorrow. I'll have two little cuties to play with! :) AND OH MY GOODNESS, BIG NEWS!!!! Yesterday me and my mom were shopping (of course) and Lindsey calls, and spills some crazy news to us!!!! Lindsey is PREGNANT!!! AGGGH!! I couldn't believe it. I was so excited, I started screaming in the changing room and then realized where I was and quieted down, haha, but it was hilarious. I'm so excited for her, I can't imagine having a baby, duh, but I'm so excited for her! haha! Now Hollace and Hannah are going to have COUSINS!!! Woo woo! Ok, so that's most of what I can think of right now...I know I left out a lot from the end of school, but I think I got most of the major things. ....and now I am down to the last couple of blueberries at the bottom of the box so I think I'll end real soon here. It'll be an interesting couple of months with the transition but I'm praying a lot that God will help me through this and I won't dwell on the past and can move into the future and gain (with time) more good friends. :) Blessings!
Graduation:
Wow, what a crazy couple of weeks that was! I tried to do as much as I could those last couple of weeks by hanging out with friends, soaking up my last bit of education....:( which I am still pretty depressed about having to leave that....but the end had to come whether I wanted it to or not. towards the last couple of weeks of school I ended up going to Seattle to be in my friend Angela's wedding which was lots of fun, she looked OH so lovely. :) That weekend was extremely busy with travel and events going on. The day after the wedding I went and visited The Salon Professional in Tacoma. It's a great beauty school and I really liked the owner lady, her and her husband own the school and have been expanding a lot recently and are in the process of being accredited. I'm not sure if that's where I'll be going, but it's a thought and I really liked the lady. After that I flew back to school where the next day I did homework all day until I attended a basketball banquet. It was a lot of fun, or so I thought, however I was kind of confused as the guy I went with all hadn't really communicated much with me before the event, or after for that matter....so I have NO clue what that means....I had concluded not to worry too much about it though, boys confuse me so much. I'm tired of trying to figure them out. I'm trying to just focus on what I need to do now. But anyway, I was still thankful for the experience and happy I got to go.
Then a week went past of lots of pulling together multiple group projects, presentations, and papers, and that weekend we had the senior boat cruise! All the seniors at Whitworth were invited to a boat cruise on Lake Cour d'alene. It's a beautiful place and I got to drive up there with a whole bunch of the swimmers so it was great to be among friends! I saw a lot of my old and current house-mates there which was awesome and I was sure to step out on to the dance floor at one point for the only disco-type song that they played. It was the song "ladies-night." It made me smile. :) Then the next weekend was graduation weekend...man, what a weird feeling. It felt way too soon. I honestly didn't mind the school-work too much...I didn't like it of course, but I felt that it was better than having to work. I can be thankful though that I've found something that I really love to do and I am very excited to get that started. Before graduation though my parents came up on Saturday to see me at the senior slide-show awards assembly. Apparently I got nominated for the Dennis Spurlock memorial Award! It was a very big honor and it was so incredible, humbling, and encouraging to have been awarded this honor. God had really blessed me during my college experience and to have my coach and all the other coaches at my school give me this was amazingly humbling and honoring. Couldn't have asked for a better ending to my college sports career. Then ALL THREE of my sisters were able to make it out to my graduation on Sunday!!! This is an incredible feat for the Gresset girls to all be in one place, including both parents, and without their husbands, haha! It was perfect for me to have all of my sisters there to see me in my final day of school before I entered the work force. It reminded me of old times and I was so thankful that they all came out. Lindsey even took a day off of work to come up and help me pack! I'm so thankful for my sisters. seriously.
Well graduation was fun, I ended up sitting next to a guy who was undoubtedly buzzed because I was about to keel over from the overwhelming smell haha! We were packed in the arena like sardines! But oh well, he was apparently pretty nervous to graduate. Thankfully I did not trip, although I had on probably the highest heels in my possession. :) (Oh the pains we females will endure just to wear a cute pair of shoes...;)) When the president shook my hand and gave me my diploma thing, he said he enjoyed watching me swim!! I couldn't believe it! the president of Whitworth knew who I was and had watched me swim!! (This was definitely the icing on the cake to my graduation, for sure.) After graduation I tried to say good bye to as many people as I could that were still left wandering around, but it was REAL sad. I just wasn't ready to say goodbye yet. I had packed everything up that night and went to a couple of graduation parties to see some people off, but I still didn't feel as much closure as I wanted.
Apparently God was gonna make me wait to let the tears flow until the next day when I turned in my swim sweats to the head swim coach, Steve. Steve was the single way that I had gotten into Whitworth. I owed that man my whole college experience and I worked as HARD as I possibly could to please him and make my swimming for him as beneficial for him as possible. He was so sweet and said the kindest things to me about having me on the team and being blessed to have me...I just broke after that. My mom started crying and then I just SOBBED. I needed to do it. I had to get some emotion out. I always bottle my emotions up as best I can and God just knew he had to pull the plug and let'r-rip. Me, my mom and my grandma just sat there for a little while in the car and cried. Each for our own reasons really. Sometimes I wish I would cry more often. One of the girls on my team, Natalie cried as she said bye to me, and she gave me this women's study bible that meant SO much to me. I could tell that she really cared about me and I wish I could have cried to show her how deeply thankful I was for her and everything that we had gone through for the past three years (believe me, we've been through a LOT). I was just so frustrated though because I just couldn't let it all out yet; my body wouldn't let me and my mind was still trying to be in denial. The drive home was difficult, but it was good to drive only with Lindsey in the car. We had a good talk and she distracted me as much as possible. I just found it hard to pick up and leave when I've put so much effort and heart into the people at Whitworth. It was kind of my escape and now I don't have that "family" type atmosphere and security anymore. The week or two after graduation I was quite depressed. My mom's twin sister and her husband were staying at our house for the past couple of weeks because Dick had been really sick and needed to fly in from Alaska. Then I got real sick the day after I got back from school so that just kinda added to my misery at the time haha!
I went to the last day of BSF for this year which was cool. It was good to be around people I thought but it was a little surreal being there so soon and re-socializing myself with people i didn't really know very well coming from school where I had known a lot of people for a while now. But it was good and I'm excited for next year. I guess we're going to be studying the book of John! I'm interested to see what I'll learn. I'm also excited for the softball league that BSF has every summer, this time I'll be able to join for a whole season and not leave for school for the playoffs! I'm pretty stoked for that. I'm also hoping to be on a soccer team this summer too so I can keep a foot in sports still. I think I'd get extremely depressed if I got both school AND team sports taken away from me at this point. I even bought some soccer gear and a baseball glove at the Nike outlet here in California so I am SO totally motivated to play right now haha!
Now I'm in Palm Springs and have been shopping with mom like a MANIAC!!! Seriously, I have never shopped this much for this many days consecutively in my LIFE. Ridiculous. But I got a lot done and have gifts for family members birthdays and father's day coming up. I'm excited for Lisa and Rob to come down and join us with Hollace and Hannah tomorrow. I'll have two little cuties to play with! :) AND OH MY GOODNESS, BIG NEWS!!!! Yesterday me and my mom were shopping (of course) and Lindsey calls, and spills some crazy news to us!!!! Lindsey is PREGNANT!!! AGGGH!! I couldn't believe it. I was so excited, I started screaming in the changing room and then realized where I was and quieted down, haha, but it was hilarious. I'm so excited for her, I can't imagine having a baby, duh, but I'm so excited for her! haha! Now Hollace and Hannah are going to have COUSINS!!! Woo woo! Ok, so that's most of what I can think of right now...I know I left out a lot from the end of school, but I think I got most of the major things. ....and now I am down to the last couple of blueberries at the bottom of the box so I think I'll end real soon here. It'll be an interesting couple of months with the transition but I'm praying a lot that God will help me through this and I won't dwell on the past and can move into the future and gain (with time) more good friends. :) Blessings!
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Saying Goodbye to Grandpa...
Last night my mom called me saying that my Grandpa, my dad's-dad had a stroke while on the road and got in a car accident. I guess he had not been breathing for two whole minutes before the ambulance got to him. They resusitated him just enough to get a slight heartbeat but he was basically a vegetable at that point. He had gotten blood in his brain and there was already too much damage to keep him alive. This morning I heard the news that he had passed away. It was such a short and fast thing, I'm still pretty shocked about it. I am thankful however that I get to come home this weekend for Easter, hopefully in time to make his funeral. He was such a good man. I'm pretty speechless though right now. He's in a better place and with the Lord. I can take comfort in that. That's all for now.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Birthday Week/ Spring Break
It's been a jam-packed week! Interesting story though to start it off. I had planned on driving home finally in the envoy and bringing a ton of stuff home with me that I didn't need in my house anymore....apparently God had other plans. The envoy had been doing really weird things for the past couple of months, like NOT STARTING....so it had been in the shop for a long time and finally after two months of taking the car in, getting it back again, and then having to get it towed back to the dealer again, it finally started working consistently. However, when I was on the freeway that leads you outside of Spokane, there's this big hill that you've gotta go up. Apparently being in Spokane, there aren't a whole lot of big enough hills around that the car had to go up in my daily routine, so it wasn't used to this. All details aside, my car could not make it up that hill. :( So I had to turn back and I ended up having to schedule a flight to get home that was leaving an hour and a half from that point, so I was kinda in a rush! I had to repack all my stuff and find a ride to the airport. But oh well...plans are plans and they don't always follow through. So that was the beginning of my spring break, but I was glad to be home. :)
That weekend was really nice and relaxing. My eye had been twitching from stress and a little bit of sleep-deprivation from the previous week of tests so it was nice to get to catch up on that. Haha! Sunday it was good to see my friends at church! Man, time flys... I feel sad that I've been away for four years and haven't really been able to be involved much in anyone's lives from home...it's hard to come back and know how much you've missed. But nevertheless, it was great to see everyones faces. :) After church Angela had her bridal shower which was totally fun and cute. Rebecca and Julia hosted it and they did a great job. The group had a lot of fun with the games that we played and it was really good to get to sit with Erin and Angela and catch up a little bit with their lives. Everybody moves through life sometimes so quickly, I guess I do too, but it's just weird because every time I come back home it feels this way and like I've missed out on all of these important events or decisions in their lives...:( I just have to kind of keep reminding myself I guess that God had me at Whitworth for a reason, and I know I learned a lot. :) At some point that weekend, I can't remember which day, but Angela invited me to a birthday celelbration for Danny at his (soon to be "their")house which was really good. Ange made some delicious pizza and I was surrounded by good food and good people so I was excited. :) Then after that Ange spent the night at my house. We ended up watching IronMan--great movie, so we didn't get to chat as much but it was still great to have her company.
Monday was fun, it was my first time ever going to BSF! The group of girls that I was with and kind of "shadowed" for their group time was a lot of fun! I'm so used to thinking of BSF people as all old and outdated...Some of the people there have known me since I was still a kid! But coming there and seeing that there were actually people my age attending and that were definitely not old, relieved those fears of mine. I had a really good time and I'm excited to join up with that next year!
Tuesday was a lot of fun too! That was my birthday! I can't believe I'm 22 already!?! I know 22 is really not that old, but its just weird because since I've been in school up till now so I feel like I haven't really been able to make too many "grown-up" decisions yet. I hope that when those times come though I will make wise decisions, but until then I'm just trying to not take life for granted and to enjoy the people around me. The beginning of this day my mom, me, and my Grandma Gresset went to a restaurant in downtown Seattle called "Julio's" and had breakfast which was delicious! I was glad to get to spend some time with Grandma, I gotta learn to treasure those moments with her. She's definitely got some stuff that I can learn from. After that she joined us for most of the day actually while my mom and I shopped. I got so many wonderful things that I didn't deserve that day.
Wednesday was great too! I spent the day with my life-time best friend Sarah Beilke. I love how honest she is with me. It's refreshing. :) She never sugar-coats things and I love how when she gives you a compliment, she really means it, and I so appreciate that about her. I can say things that are specific to all of my friends about the characteristics that I love about them, but since I spent the day with Sarah, I was just reminded of all of these things. She's also the first person my age that I really knew to get married, so it's been so impressive to see how hard she works and how caring she is in her relationships.
....I have so much to learn about life.....
Thursday was a lot of fun as well! :) haha, I know I keep saying this about every day, but its true! I got to sleep in till like nine....ahhh! Then I just kinda meandered around the house, went shopping for my brother -in-law's birthday presents as well as my sister Lisa's. I'm excited to give them their presents! Then Peter called to play soccer with a whole bunch of wonderful people. :) It was a lot of fun although I was EXTREMELY nervous at first. I was just glad that I made myself useful at least once in the game. One of the girls on the other team scored within the first couple of seconds of the game so I told her she had a great shot. We got to talking and apparently that was her last game cuz she was gonna have surgery the next week. :( That stinks! She was glad to have scored something at her last game though. I was happy for her but at the same time I had to defend her from shooting any more goals in, and she was pretty good so I hope I did a decent-enough job. I also met another girl on the other team who had really cute short hair so I complimented her on it haha! I'm so excited to go to beauty school! Woo woo!!!! :) But anyway, back to soccer. All in all, it was so much fun and I hope I get to play again some time this summer or something. Maybe I'll improve a little. :) It was also really nice to get to hang out with my friend Peter, he's a great guy and it's always good to chat and catch up with him. He's always knowledgeable of or at the epi-center of all the "fun-activities" around here haha so I'm very appreciative of his inviting personality and letting me come along. It was great to see everybody that I hadn't seen for a while! I gave Angela a BIG hug, (I simply love that girl), saw Becca, gave her a big hug, saw Becky, gave her a big hug, saw Nicki, gave her a big hug! I saw a few guys from home at the game and if it were socially appropriate I probably would've given them a big hug too, but I figured a smile or a handshake would do the trick. I was just excited to be around familiar people, as well as new ones. :) People are great.
So today I woke up at ten which was lovely! :) We are going to have a family meal and celebrate the birthdays of Joe, myself, Rob, and Lisa! I'm so excited to see everyone! I am thankful for family. I'm even more excited to hear what's going on in everybody's lives and for our conversation! Woo woo! :) After the party I plan to do homework for the first time this week, or at least see what I can do so that it's not too shocking when I get back. Hopefully I can get something done. Then tomorrow is Saturday and I'm not quite sure what exactly I'm doing but I think I might spend the evening with Ange or something...not sure yet about details, but we'll see. :) I'm excited. It's been a great week and I'm thankful for everything in it.
PS-a shout-out prayer request for Kyle who's grandfather is struggling to survive would be greatly appreciated as well as for my brother Rob who is looking for God's will about staying at the specific church that he is at right now, thanks!
Until later, folks!
That weekend was really nice and relaxing. My eye had been twitching from stress and a little bit of sleep-deprivation from the previous week of tests so it was nice to get to catch up on that. Haha! Sunday it was good to see my friends at church! Man, time flys... I feel sad that I've been away for four years and haven't really been able to be involved much in anyone's lives from home...it's hard to come back and know how much you've missed. But nevertheless, it was great to see everyones faces. :) After church Angela had her bridal shower which was totally fun and cute. Rebecca and Julia hosted it and they did a great job. The group had a lot of fun with the games that we played and it was really good to get to sit with Erin and Angela and catch up a little bit with their lives. Everybody moves through life sometimes so quickly, I guess I do too, but it's just weird because every time I come back home it feels this way and like I've missed out on all of these important events or decisions in their lives...:( I just have to kind of keep reminding myself I guess that God had me at Whitworth for a reason, and I know I learned a lot. :) At some point that weekend, I can't remember which day, but Angela invited me to a birthday celelbration for Danny at his (soon to be "their")house which was really good. Ange made some delicious pizza and I was surrounded by good food and good people so I was excited. :) Then after that Ange spent the night at my house. We ended up watching IronMan--great movie, so we didn't get to chat as much but it was still great to have her company.
Monday was fun, it was my first time ever going to BSF! The group of girls that I was with and kind of "shadowed" for their group time was a lot of fun! I'm so used to thinking of BSF people as all old and outdated...Some of the people there have known me since I was still a kid! But coming there and seeing that there were actually people my age attending and that were definitely not old, relieved those fears of mine. I had a really good time and I'm excited to join up with that next year!
Tuesday was a lot of fun too! That was my birthday! I can't believe I'm 22 already!?! I know 22 is really not that old, but its just weird because since I've been in school up till now so I feel like I haven't really been able to make too many "grown-up" decisions yet. I hope that when those times come though I will make wise decisions, but until then I'm just trying to not take life for granted and to enjoy the people around me. The beginning of this day my mom, me, and my Grandma Gresset went to a restaurant in downtown Seattle called "Julio's" and had breakfast which was delicious! I was glad to get to spend some time with Grandma, I gotta learn to treasure those moments with her. She's definitely got some stuff that I can learn from. After that she joined us for most of the day actually while my mom and I shopped. I got so many wonderful things that I didn't deserve that day.
Wednesday was great too! I spent the day with my life-time best friend Sarah Beilke. I love how honest she is with me. It's refreshing. :) She never sugar-coats things and I love how when she gives you a compliment, she really means it, and I so appreciate that about her. I can say things that are specific to all of my friends about the characteristics that I love about them, but since I spent the day with Sarah, I was just reminded of all of these things. She's also the first person my age that I really knew to get married, so it's been so impressive to see how hard she works and how caring she is in her relationships.
....I have so much to learn about life.....
Thursday was a lot of fun as well! :) haha, I know I keep saying this about every day, but its true! I got to sleep in till like nine....ahhh! Then I just kinda meandered around the house, went shopping for my brother -in-law's birthday presents as well as my sister Lisa's. I'm excited to give them their presents! Then Peter called to play soccer with a whole bunch of wonderful people. :) It was a lot of fun although I was EXTREMELY nervous at first. I was just glad that I made myself useful at least once in the game. One of the girls on the other team scored within the first couple of seconds of the game so I told her she had a great shot. We got to talking and apparently that was her last game cuz she was gonna have surgery the next week. :( That stinks! She was glad to have scored something at her last game though. I was happy for her but at the same time I had to defend her from shooting any more goals in, and she was pretty good so I hope I did a decent-enough job. I also met another girl on the other team who had really cute short hair so I complimented her on it haha! I'm so excited to go to beauty school! Woo woo!!!! :) But anyway, back to soccer. All in all, it was so much fun and I hope I get to play again some time this summer or something. Maybe I'll improve a little. :) It was also really nice to get to hang out with my friend Peter, he's a great guy and it's always good to chat and catch up with him. He's always knowledgeable of or at the epi-center of all the "fun-activities" around here haha so I'm very appreciative of his inviting personality and letting me come along. It was great to see everybody that I hadn't seen for a while! I gave Angela a BIG hug, (I simply love that girl), saw Becca, gave her a big hug, saw Becky, gave her a big hug, saw Nicki, gave her a big hug! I saw a few guys from home at the game and if it were socially appropriate I probably would've given them a big hug too, but I figured a smile or a handshake would do the trick. I was just excited to be around familiar people, as well as new ones. :) People are great.
So today I woke up at ten which was lovely! :) We are going to have a family meal and celebrate the birthdays of Joe, myself, Rob, and Lisa! I'm so excited to see everyone! I am thankful for family. I'm even more excited to hear what's going on in everybody's lives and for our conversation! Woo woo! :) After the party I plan to do homework for the first time this week, or at least see what I can do so that it's not too shocking when I get back. Hopefully I can get something done. Then tomorrow is Saturday and I'm not quite sure what exactly I'm doing but I think I might spend the evening with Ange or something...not sure yet about details, but we'll see. :) I'm excited. It's been a great week and I'm thankful for everything in it.
PS-a shout-out prayer request for Kyle who's grandfather is struggling to survive would be greatly appreciated as well as for my brother Rob who is looking for God's will about staying at the specific church that he is at right now, thanks!
Until later, folks!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
For all the females.... :)
Haha, ok, so I just gotta say this, MOM's are GREAT. They just are. They know you better than you know yourself. :) Ok, so this just made me laugh hardcore at my rediculousness last night so I thought I'd tell all of you haha! So for the past couple of days or so I've been just kinda moping around....I started getting all self-conscious and what-not, I was kinda depressed and just didn't want to involve myself in anything. I couldn't figure out what was going on and I couldn't sort anything out in my head. Then I started to stress out about random things. SO in my loneliness I gave my mom a call. I just wanted someone to talk to right? So I ask her how she's doing and almost immediately she's like, "Brittany, are you alright?" I'm like, eh, I'm ok...- and from then flows all of my emotional baggage. haha! Mom was awesome though. She listened and then was like, "Brittany, you need to stop basing everything off of your feelings. Your being very fearful right now and that is not of God. If you went through life by the seat of your pants your just going to be blown from one thing to another. You need to have faith." Then I responded (I was pretty emotional at this point ha!) and was like, "then WHAT's the point of having emotions if you can never USE them!" hahaha! I'm very laughable at times like these. So at that key indicator phrase of rediculousness my mom chuckled and asked me three crucial questions that are KEY to understanding the emotional roller-coaster that is Brittany Gresset. haha!
1) Brittany, is this about a boy? (my answer: no.)
2) Brittany, is this about school? (....kinda?)
3) Brittany, are you on your period right now? (......maybe. ;) haha) She laughed and said, well, THAT explains a LOT. :) haha!
.....and with those three answers she knew exactly what to prescribe to me. This was her response.
1) "You need to go to bed." (SO true.) (Late nights thinking by myself for extended periods of time is not always a good thing for me.)
2) "Have you had some chocolate yet?" (This made me smile.)
3)"God is still active in your life. Don't act as if he's stopped. He never stops investing in people so neither should you."
I liked the logical answer first. (That's probably my dad's influence. :) He's all about efficiency and logic.). It was an immediate solution that I could look forward to. Then the second answer was something that I could physically act upon, and then the third answer was a word of solidity and affirmation that I could take with me and remember. I thought it was so cool how she handled me. It totally calmed me down in all of the areas that I needed it. God mightily used her last night. :) I was a happy camper today, so the solutions, although very simple, worked! :) hehe.
Haha, so I'm not quite sure as to why I wrote this blog, but think of it in terms of a tribute to mom's everywhere and their intimate knowledge of their children which I am so thankful for.... :)
1) Brittany, is this about a boy? (my answer: no.)
2) Brittany, is this about school? (....kinda?)
3) Brittany, are you on your period right now? (......maybe. ;) haha) She laughed and said, well, THAT explains a LOT. :) haha!
.....and with those three answers she knew exactly what to prescribe to me. This was her response.
1) "You need to go to bed." (SO true.) (Late nights thinking by myself for extended periods of time is not always a good thing for me.)
2) "Have you had some chocolate yet?" (This made me smile.)
3)"God is still active in your life. Don't act as if he's stopped. He never stops investing in people so neither should you."
I liked the logical answer first. (That's probably my dad's influence. :) He's all about efficiency and logic.). It was an immediate solution that I could look forward to. Then the second answer was something that I could physically act upon, and then the third answer was a word of solidity and affirmation that I could take with me and remember. I thought it was so cool how she handled me. It totally calmed me down in all of the areas that I needed it. God mightily used her last night. :) I was a happy camper today, so the solutions, although very simple, worked! :) hehe.
Haha, so I'm not quite sure as to why I wrote this blog, but think of it in terms of a tribute to mom's everywhere and their intimate knowledge of their children which I am so thankful for.... :)
Monday, March 9, 2009
Senioritis!!!
......I've got it REAL bad. I just don't care anymore. :( It's not that I don't like my classes or anything, I find them very interesting actually, but I just can't seem to find the motivation to do any of the work for them in my normal fashion. Instead of doing the homework a day or two ahead, I find myself writing up papers the day of, waiting until the last second to turn things in...I never used to do this! Without swimming helping me prioritize my time I'm finding that I am able to find PLENTY of other extra-curricular activities to do outside of my homework...unfortunately I've been letting those activities take precedence over my school work. I hope this goes away. It's weird too, because I'm doing really actually quite well on my tests even with the last minute studying, late nights, movie-watching, exercising, etc. Where's the justice in this?!? I'm getting away with good grades and yet I'm not being punished for my lack of discipline...this is not helpful to me when I'm trying to find reasons to study and do homework early. Is this what it was like for "normal" college students?? I feel like a freshman again and having to re-learn how to prioritize my time again. It's weird. I don't know. Either way, I've gotta get my act together here soon because Spring Break is coming up (HALLELUIAH!) and I've got some major tests coming up that I know will be a lot harder than the tests/quizzes/papers I've been writing recently. It's time to jump on the ball and get rolling. Only two weeks and then I get to go home for a week and it'll be my birthday!! So stoked. Just gotta hold on for two weeks...that's all for now.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Moving on to ordinary things...and some LESS ordinary.
Well, my swimming career is now officially over. I would write more about it, but I'm doing pretty good right now keeping busy so it's hard to even notice that I'm not doing it anymore...it's just wonderful that I have more time and energy to do things!
This weekend we had a three day weekend which was awesome cuz our professors had a faculty development day on Friday! It was awesome! I milked it for all it was worth. I cut a few people's hair, dyed one guys' hair, and listened to our Whitworth basketball team on the internet FINALLY crush the UPS team, who had the top seed. Now our guys are going to the NCAA tournament!! yay! Thankfully they have their first tournament game at our home court so I'll definitely be cheering them on on Thursday night, soooo excited.
My cell phone, which had been lost previously for about two weeks, was finally brought back to the info desk this weekend (thank you Whitworth Christian kids who for the most part feel bad if they don't return lost items :)...haha!). Thankfully I got to talk to my mom who I hadn't really gotten to have a conversation with for a while due to the time limits from using other people's phones. My parents are spending the next week or two I think in Palm Springs again...pretty jealous that she gets to see sun. Oh well. I also got my car back from the shop for the weekend to be able to get around. It died on Saturday and then I finally got it to start up randomly today, so I returned it to the dealers. blah.
Tonight I have to write a CORE paper and then do an assignment for Organizational Theory....my excitement for this is overwhelming....I think my case of Senioritis is starting to kick in. :( Not Good.
So this past weekend was very interesting. Friday night, one of the boys on the swim team came back from a basketball game not feeling well. It started at dinner where he had a headache, then his speech started to slur, then parts of his body started to go numb and he started shaking. It was really scary. The dorm medic took him to the hospital and Justin and I followed and stayed with him till midnight that night. The nurses had to get people to restrain Matt because he was shaking so much and wouldn't lie down. It was the craziest thing. Then, while me and Justin were sitting in the Emergency room, the stupid monitors in the waiting room kept flashing the symptoms of a stroke over and over again so we were scared out of our minds that Matt was having a stroke. Thankfully this was not the case. In fact, the doctors couldn't even figure out WHAT it was. He got a spinal tap to see if it was meningitis, but that tested negative, and then they tried a whole bunch of other virus tests, blood tests, etc. Everything came up negative. So The rest of the team visited the hospital all of the next day. As the day went on Matt became more coherent and started drinking more water and sleeping and then got better. It was so weird; but it definitely brought the team back together to support Matt when for a while now, conference has been over with so some people kinda go their seperate ways. But yea, that was quite the crazy event. Also, that same day, a whole bunch of swimmers went skiing and snowboarding for Kath's birthday. Justin ended up breaking his pinky finger....(this unfortunately is a pretty typical thing to happen to him..he's kinda brittle. haha.) So he ended up joining Matt at the hospital so we were all just one big happy swimming clan at the hospital this weekend haha!
Last night I had a nightmare, which I tend to have a lot less often now that I am older, but that was scary. I gotta take a little bit of the blame for this however because me and a whole bunch of people were going through a season of 24 over the weekend, and it's I guess not a very good idea for me to watch that show right before bed. I always get similarly themed nightmares about robbers coming in and hurting or killing my family. It's so not cool and unfortunately feels very real when I get them. This dream was slightly different though because I wasn't just sitting or hiding anywhere while this was happening, like I normally am in previous nightmares. This time I had a gun, it was very strange. I was also VERY ANGRY for anyone even laying a finger on my family members. I remember waking up in a sweat and thinking, "wow, I didn't think I could feel so much anger in myself!" But yeah, it was weird and scared me, so I'm not going to expand much further on that.
This week I've got lots of papers and assignments due on wednesday. So I'm gonna go charge ahead and work on those now. To everyone out there, goodnight!
This weekend we had a three day weekend which was awesome cuz our professors had a faculty development day on Friday! It was awesome! I milked it for all it was worth. I cut a few people's hair, dyed one guys' hair, and listened to our Whitworth basketball team on the internet FINALLY crush the UPS team, who had the top seed. Now our guys are going to the NCAA tournament!! yay! Thankfully they have their first tournament game at our home court so I'll definitely be cheering them on on Thursday night, soooo excited.
My cell phone, which had been lost previously for about two weeks, was finally brought back to the info desk this weekend (thank you Whitworth Christian kids who for the most part feel bad if they don't return lost items :)...haha!). Thankfully I got to talk to my mom who I hadn't really gotten to have a conversation with for a while due to the time limits from using other people's phones. My parents are spending the next week or two I think in Palm Springs again...pretty jealous that she gets to see sun. Oh well. I also got my car back from the shop for the weekend to be able to get around. It died on Saturday and then I finally got it to start up randomly today, so I returned it to the dealers. blah.
Tonight I have to write a CORE paper and then do an assignment for Organizational Theory....my excitement for this is overwhelming....I think my case of Senioritis is starting to kick in. :( Not Good.
So this past weekend was very interesting. Friday night, one of the boys on the swim team came back from a basketball game not feeling well. It started at dinner where he had a headache, then his speech started to slur, then parts of his body started to go numb and he started shaking. It was really scary. The dorm medic took him to the hospital and Justin and I followed and stayed with him till midnight that night. The nurses had to get people to restrain Matt because he was shaking so much and wouldn't lie down. It was the craziest thing. Then, while me and Justin were sitting in the Emergency room, the stupid monitors in the waiting room kept flashing the symptoms of a stroke over and over again so we were scared out of our minds that Matt was having a stroke. Thankfully this was not the case. In fact, the doctors couldn't even figure out WHAT it was. He got a spinal tap to see if it was meningitis, but that tested negative, and then they tried a whole bunch of other virus tests, blood tests, etc. Everything came up negative. So The rest of the team visited the hospital all of the next day. As the day went on Matt became more coherent and started drinking more water and sleeping and then got better. It was so weird; but it definitely brought the team back together to support Matt when for a while now, conference has been over with so some people kinda go their seperate ways. But yea, that was quite the crazy event. Also, that same day, a whole bunch of swimmers went skiing and snowboarding for Kath's birthday. Justin ended up breaking his pinky finger....(this unfortunately is a pretty typical thing to happen to him..he's kinda brittle. haha.) So he ended up joining Matt at the hospital so we were all just one big happy swimming clan at the hospital this weekend haha!
Last night I had a nightmare, which I tend to have a lot less often now that I am older, but that was scary. I gotta take a little bit of the blame for this however because me and a whole bunch of people were going through a season of 24 over the weekend, and it's I guess not a very good idea for me to watch that show right before bed. I always get similarly themed nightmares about robbers coming in and hurting or killing my family. It's so not cool and unfortunately feels very real when I get them. This dream was slightly different though because I wasn't just sitting or hiding anywhere while this was happening, like I normally am in previous nightmares. This time I had a gun, it was very strange. I was also VERY ANGRY for anyone even laying a finger on my family members. I remember waking up in a sweat and thinking, "wow, I didn't think I could feel so much anger in myself!" But yeah, it was weird and scared me, so I'm not going to expand much further on that.
This week I've got lots of papers and assignments due on wednesday. So I'm gonna go charge ahead and work on those now. To everyone out there, goodnight!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Conference '09
Wow, words cannot express how awesome this past weekend was. I went to the Federal Way pool and swam the best races of my life! God was SO wonderful to me and blessed me a lot this weekend. I thought I'd just give you a glimpse of how miraculous God's work was in my swims this week by showing you some stats...
Entered time in the 50 free:
24.08
Time after finals in the 50 free:
23.94
Entered time in the 100 back:
1.01
Time after finals in the 100 back:
58.53
Entered time in the 100 free:
53.31
Time after finals in the 100 free:
52.20
I dropped time in every single event! Wow, what a way to go out, I couldn't be any happier honestly. The team had an amazing performance and despite the girls' team was short 3 people and got second to the UPS girls, we still held 11 out of the 13 top highest scores in the meet. The guys won their seventh straight winning streak too. It was incredible and the atmosphere was like nothing I've ever experienced at a conference meet. AMAZING.
So, that was my swimming update, right now I'm training for Nationals so the coaches have boosted the yardage up again to break us down again so they can build us up with some strength later. So far, so good. :) Hopefully I make it, but I'm not gonna make any assumptions at this point, its all fair game for anyone to cut me off the list, so I'm just praying that that doesn't happen. If I do get booted, I'll know it was for a reason though, so I will be content no matter what the outcome is.
I realized I haven't written in this thing in FOREVER, so I thought I'd write a little about what is going on with me.
It's been an interesting couple of weeks. God has shown me some things. I am realizing that soon I won't be able to hide behind the veil of schooling from going out into the work force....that scares me a little bit. I am realizing that when I go home after graduation, I'm going to have to start over again with a lot of things. I am realizing how dependent I am on my parents and how scared stiff I really am of going out on my own. (I know I need to do it, to be an actual independent adult, but it just doesn't help when your parents actually want you to be home with them and you don't mind them either.) So I'm trying to motivate myself towards such goals of independence. I've also been praying/stressing out about my future career as a hair stylist/possible owner of a salon. Am I really cut out for managing a business? Will I be able to step up and be responsible when it comes to legal tasks and financial tasks, (both of which I have found that I am very weak at skill-wise), and if I will be able to persevere through those times when my business may not be looking very good. I want to be ethically solid and want to have a faith integration with my business but will I be strong enough to actually carry that out in a world that doesn't exactly embrace that worldview? I've been asking myself these questions a lot, along with random questions about my relationship status. Am I ready for one? Will I avoid it through work? Will I be able to handle work and a relationship if I happen to be in one when that time comes? Sooooo many random questions scrambling around in my head lately and I don't quite know what to do with them. I do notice however that all of these questions are futuristic in nature and there's no way that I can even answer any of them because I don't know the future. I know that God doesn't want me to waste my time worrying because it is fruitless, but sometimes thats easier said than done. I guess I just have to take it one step at a time. It just feels like my steps are very slow right now and far-between. I'm praying to be content with where I am at right now. God know's what will happen, I just sometimes have too negative expectations of what God can do in my life. Seeing my swimming results from Conference this past weekend you would think would show me the capability that God has to perform total miracles in my life....I seem to compartmentalize His miraculous works towards pertaining to only specific areas of my life, and think that they are not possible in other areas of my life. Why is that? God is still the same God isn't He? There should be no reason for me to think that he only performs miracles in some aspects of my life and not others. Anyways, I'm rambling now so I'll let ya'll go now, but I guess it just felt good for me to just write out my thoughts and concerns, I mean, they are only human concerns, ya know. :) -In fact, I think that now that I've written this down, it all seems less foreboding and scary now and so I don't have to stress about it. Thank you for letting me vent to you and I apologize. :) I hope everyone is doing well. Have a good night, I'm off to bed.
Entered time in the 50 free:
24.08
Time after finals in the 50 free:
23.94
Entered time in the 100 back:
1.01
Time after finals in the 100 back:
58.53
Entered time in the 100 free:
53.31
Time after finals in the 100 free:
52.20
I dropped time in every single event! Wow, what a way to go out, I couldn't be any happier honestly. The team had an amazing performance and despite the girls' team was short 3 people and got second to the UPS girls, we still held 11 out of the 13 top highest scores in the meet. The guys won their seventh straight winning streak too. It was incredible and the atmosphere was like nothing I've ever experienced at a conference meet. AMAZING.
So, that was my swimming update, right now I'm training for Nationals so the coaches have boosted the yardage up again to break us down again so they can build us up with some strength later. So far, so good. :) Hopefully I make it, but I'm not gonna make any assumptions at this point, its all fair game for anyone to cut me off the list, so I'm just praying that that doesn't happen. If I do get booted, I'll know it was for a reason though, so I will be content no matter what the outcome is.
I realized I haven't written in this thing in FOREVER, so I thought I'd write a little about what is going on with me.
It's been an interesting couple of weeks. God has shown me some things. I am realizing that soon I won't be able to hide behind the veil of schooling from going out into the work force....that scares me a little bit. I am realizing that when I go home after graduation, I'm going to have to start over again with a lot of things. I am realizing how dependent I am on my parents and how scared stiff I really am of going out on my own. (I know I need to do it, to be an actual independent adult, but it just doesn't help when your parents actually want you to be home with them and you don't mind them either.) So I'm trying to motivate myself towards such goals of independence. I've also been praying/stressing out about my future career as a hair stylist/possible owner of a salon. Am I really cut out for managing a business? Will I be able to step up and be responsible when it comes to legal tasks and financial tasks, (both of which I have found that I am very weak at skill-wise), and if I will be able to persevere through those times when my business may not be looking very good. I want to be ethically solid and want to have a faith integration with my business but will I be strong enough to actually carry that out in a world that doesn't exactly embrace that worldview? I've been asking myself these questions a lot, along with random questions about my relationship status. Am I ready for one? Will I avoid it through work? Will I be able to handle work and a relationship if I happen to be in one when that time comes? Sooooo many random questions scrambling around in my head lately and I don't quite know what to do with them. I do notice however that all of these questions are futuristic in nature and there's no way that I can even answer any of them because I don't know the future. I know that God doesn't want me to waste my time worrying because it is fruitless, but sometimes thats easier said than done. I guess I just have to take it one step at a time. It just feels like my steps are very slow right now and far-between. I'm praying to be content with where I am at right now. God know's what will happen, I just sometimes have too negative expectations of what God can do in my life. Seeing my swimming results from Conference this past weekend you would think would show me the capability that God has to perform total miracles in my life....I seem to compartmentalize His miraculous works towards pertaining to only specific areas of my life, and think that they are not possible in other areas of my life. Why is that? God is still the same God isn't He? There should be no reason for me to think that he only performs miracles in some aspects of my life and not others. Anyways, I'm rambling now so I'll let ya'll go now, but I guess it just felt good for me to just write out my thoughts and concerns, I mean, they are only human concerns, ya know. :) -In fact, I think that now that I've written this down, it all seems less foreboding and scary now and so I don't have to stress about it. Thank you for letting me vent to you and I apologize. :) I hope everyone is doing well. Have a good night, I'm off to bed.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Busy Weekend!
This weekend was a lot of fun. Friday after class I got to sit around for a while and watch a movie at home, then I went to our swim meet against Willamette, we won. :) Then straight from there I went to the basketball game against UPS which are our srch-rivals, but unfortunately we lost....It was still fun though, basketball games are my favorite sport to watch live, so it was still good. Then I went home and watched another movie till I fell asleep with my housemates! Saturday I basically woke up and did a repeat. Swim meet against Lewis and Clarke, Basketball game straight after, then movie at night! It was a lot of fun. Then sunday got even better because after church, I checked my email and it said that on tuesday, my only class obligation for that day was to watch the presidential inauguration! So of course I did that today, it was good! Obama is a really good speaker. But anyway, back to sunday. There had been a swim team party planned for this night to do a white elephant gift excheange at one of the coaches houses...my car stalled on the way to their house unfortunately so that caused a lot of problems throughout this week, but I just got my car back and all fixed today, so that's nice. To make a long story short, apparently someone on the team put in as their white elephant gift, "a date with Brittany Gresset" without my knowledge. I was unable to go to the party because of the car problems, but at least I found out that I now get to go on a date with Ms. Christina Hinkel. :) hehe! It shall be fun. Yesterday, I went to practice then got my homework done, then headed to practice again later on that day. Me, Brenda, Nita, Sarah, and Jenn ended up going to Azteca for dinner afterward and then to the movie, "Bride Wars" which was Hilarious. Although I balled for some odd reason towards the end of it. I must've been emotional that night or something cuz it didn't seem like that big of a deal what was going on in the movie, but I still did anyway, and it felt good. :) Sometimes it feels nice to cry, I don't do it very often, so when I do cry, it's nice to let it out. So on the way to the car that night after the movie, me and Brenda found a Kanye West song, "heartless" which is one of our favorites so we started dancing all over the place in her car, and apparently this lady and her husband were walking out to their car behind us and Brenda saw the lady whisper, "they're CRAZY" to her husband....awesome. Glad to know I look like I'm insane when I dance in a car haha! Then once we were out of the parking lot, we were still dancing and this car full of guys saw us dancing and started cracking up haha! Oh the many ways that I can make a fool of myself... :) But all in all, it was an AWESOME weekend full of fun adventures. :) Next weekend should be good too, my parents are gonna come up and visit me! They are gonna come watch my last home swim meet against Whitman at our pool. :( I'm really sad that this is my last chance to swim at our pool in a meet for the rest of my life. :( I don't want it to end. Swimming has been such a big part of my college life, I don't know what to expect when it won't be there next year. But anyway, I'm gonna try to do my very best for when they come. Hopefully I can go out with a bang. We'll see.
Monday, January 12, 2009
The Excellence of Love
"If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am NOTHING. And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.
Love is Patient, love is Kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, it does not seek its own, it is not provoked, it does not take into account a wrong suffered, it does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the TRUTH; it bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." (1 Cor. 13:1-8)
"When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, I used to think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things." (1 Cor. 13:11)
"But now abide in faith, hope, and love; but the greatest of these, is love." (1 Cor.13:13)
I have been drawn to read these passages over and over again recently. Here's what God has clearly put on my heart: I want to find out what it means to ABIDE in Christ, and give him everything. I want to return to my first Love, Him, and the way it felt when I was so close with Him. I want to experience this love that He talks about...and give it to others. I want to have a very close and very intimate relationship with Him...I want what makes Him sad to make me sad, and what makes Him happy to make me happy. I really desire this relationship from Him and am praying for a (female) friend here at school that would be willing to embark on this with me. I think this is one request that God doesn't often refuse. :) I am ready to move forward and ready to give up what I've treasured for too long in my own hands. What a scary thing, being so vulnerable to having the worst of yourself revealed to yourself....but Love, God's Love, makes me do crazy things.... That's all I felt like saying today. I hope everyone is doing well, and have a good night. :)
Love is Patient, love is Kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, it does not seek its own, it is not provoked, it does not take into account a wrong suffered, it does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the TRUTH; it bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." (1 Cor. 13:1-8)
"When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, I used to think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things." (1 Cor. 13:11)
"But now abide in faith, hope, and love; but the greatest of these, is love." (1 Cor.13:13)
I have been drawn to read these passages over and over again recently. Here's what God has clearly put on my heart: I want to find out what it means to ABIDE in Christ, and give him everything. I want to return to my first Love, Him, and the way it felt when I was so close with Him. I want to experience this love that He talks about...and give it to others. I want to have a very close and very intimate relationship with Him...I want what makes Him sad to make me sad, and what makes Him happy to make me happy. I really desire this relationship from Him and am praying for a (female) friend here at school that would be willing to embark on this with me. I think this is one request that God doesn't often refuse. :) I am ready to move forward and ready to give up what I've treasured for too long in my own hands. What a scary thing, being so vulnerable to having the worst of yourself revealed to yourself....but Love, God's Love, makes me do crazy things.... That's all I felt like saying today. I hope everyone is doing well, and have a good night. :)
Friday, January 9, 2009
Chaos Theory
Ok, so in my college experiences, I have taken a lot of courses that have altered my life a lot, made me think outside of the box and have experienced a lot of life situations that have "forced" me to change my close-minded view. I am taking a course this Jan-Term called Chaos Theory. I think that already, this class is going to have a big impact on my life. This was the first week that the class started, and I was already intruiged by the subject, but today, it was like God smacked me upside the head with something that I always knew, but couldn't really accept. My teacher is Jack Burns, so I'll just call him Jack for now, but basically, today in the middle of class, he was discussing this theory about how there are three different stages in which an organization can be it. The first is the "equilibrium" stage or the "implosion" stage. This stage reflects an organization that is secure; and by secure, I mean that the organization is stuck on its long term plan and is not willing to make any changes along the way. The reason why this stage is also called the implosion stage is because any organization that stays in this stage will evenutally implode and die. The reason why?? -THINGS CHANGE. Not a single person can predit the long term future of an organization. No one could have predicted that the 9/11 crisis would happen and what it would do to people in the U.S., nobody can say that they are going to be able to reach a certain point in the long-term future because life just doesn't happen like that. Accidents happen, changes happen, growth happens, destruction happens...it's all very ambiguous. The second stage is called "Chaos." The chaos stage can be depicted with a picture similar to what the results of a lie detector test look like, wavy, sporatic, and almost never consistent. Then above the wavy line there is the concept of the ultimate purpose of an organization. (Or mission statement as some people might call it.) Below the wavy line is the organization itself, either in hierarchical format or as Jack proceeded to draw it as, in circles with boxes surrounding each circle to represent the team members of the organization. Each Box on the circles represented one person in the organization and each box was connected to others and so on, symbolizing the relationships that each member of the organization had with eachother, as well as the relationships that people had with other people outside of the organization. Now, if you can picture this, and if I described this right, then I will be amazed haha, but if you can imagine taking a line from each of these circles, through the wavy line, and eventually all connecting to the purpose statement above the wavy line, then this may be clearer to you. But anyway, the interesting thing about this picture is that the wavy line is representative of all of the crazy stuff that life brings...the conflicts, the different personalities within an organization, the different talents, natural disasters that have an effect on the organization, etc. The list could go on. Jack explained that the waves within an organization are the keys to helping the organization survive and thrive. the purpose at the top of the picture is something cohesive that can bring the whole organization together as a whole, ideally. The circles below the waves cannot stay in their "dominant schema" or in lamen's terms, they can't stay with one way of doing things for so long without changing. Jack asked us, "have you ever been around a really creative person?" And we all raised our hands, and then he was like, "well, weren't they really annoying? How do you feel when your around somebody like that?" The class didn't know what to say. He characterized the extremely creative person as someone who was all over the place. They did their own thing, they messed up the order of things and made things uncomfortable within an organization. Immediately I started to process this information and relate it to my own life. I don't think of myself as an extremely creative person at all. I try to be logical and cool-headed about most things, and that's pretty much who I've tried to be. But the memory of a swim team experience in the past brought me to realize that I am one of those people who would manage my business in the "equilibrium" stage! :-O I thought of some people that were on the team that I just had the hardest time dealing with because I would always think that they were there solely to disrupt any kind of peace/unity that I wanted so badly for the team to have. I had to learn this the hard way though with experience throughout the past four years that I need to be flexible. I need to adapt. I need to be a person that is ok with change and that is open to learning new things. Now, I had definitely learned this lesson through the swim team by the end of my freshman year and have definitely found myself improving a lot on noticing when this happens, but to have had it spelled out so succinctly by my professor to me with that one example, I knew I could not be a leader unless I was willing to lose control. When an organization, yes, has a long term goal, but doesn't bank everything on that, and just takes things one day at a time within the "chaos" model, they are the most successful organizations and learn the most. The third stage is the "random" stage which was basically was all of the really creative people that were out in the world that wouldn't belong to any kind of organization that may have a very strong expertise in something, but are not willing to be within an organization. This stage wasn't all that exciting to me so I just ignored it haha. :) jk, jk. But still. :) So anyways, this whole lesson today made me really think about other aspects of my life that I have held in the "equilibrium" state, whether that be in my family, relationships, friendships, acquaintances, etc, you name it. The same basic concept applies. You gotta lose your life to live it. Such a good reminder of God's calling on us. I was very convicted. I really hope that God will remind me of this daily so that I will not lose sight of the fact that I have a mission in this world, and its not a mission that I can go on if I think that I am in control of it. Chaos is actually good for me. It is learning...we learn when we are in hard times, or at least I seem to think that....and the same can be said for when God brings us through trials...it's way harder, but it bears the most fruit. So with that, I am SO rediculously excited about life. Still nervous though...I'm not THAT good at giving up control and I know that some things take a little time, which God is VERY patient with me on that, but I'm very compelled to see if he will make a possible success out of all of my many failures.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Christmas Training Part Two...
What a relief! I'm finally over with the mind-grinder. The mind-grinder is the one dreaded set of 11,ooo yards of swimming in every Whitworth swimmer's mind that comes only once every four years...because it is that horrible. BUT...I was able to make my send-offs every time, although a few times I was cutting it pretty close. God was good to me. My body was prepared for the yardage and did pretty decent actually, but my brain was going all over the place during some of the 300's. I kept getting lost on what lap I was on and would finish at the wall and yell at Gary to tell me where I was haha! It was pretty rediculous. But I had fun and I'm glad to have finally experienced it. I took some pictures of the momentous occasion so you will see them soon on facebook. So last night was New Years Eve, and honestly, I was so tired that day that I went to bed at 8:30 pm and woke up at 8:30 am the next morning! haha! I got 12 hours of sleep! It was amazing! But you can't blame me really cuz I definitely have had to wake up at five o'clock in the morning every morning this past week to drive to practice, so I don't feel THAT bad. :) Now that it's '09 I realized that I graduate soon! Agh! Crazy! I have major denial issues and tend to not look at things the way I don't want to see them, so the fact that I will never have another Christmas Training on the team is so depressing that I can't even think about it now....and I probably won't, till its too late. :/ But, with this problem, it does have it's perks! Now I can enjoy this year for what it is and what God is going to teach me through it....It seems like every year for like the past eight years has had some kind of a theme to it, of either learning something specific that God had shown me that year, or learning something more about myself and others, so I'm excited to see what God is going to do with me this year. :)
Now that the swimming is all done for my time here in Cali, now we get to have fun!!! The rest of this evening we have off, so I think I'm gonna read a bit and just relax, then tomorrow we have our "fun day" where I'm gonna be headed off to a Laker's game!! YEA!!! SO stoked! Basketball is one of my favorite sports to watch live, and I'm glad I get to watch it with friends! Our seating tickets are kind of sporatically placed, so hopefully some kind soul will be okay with switching us seats to sit with more of the swimmers. I'm really excited, it'll be way fun. :)
After that we leave sunday morning and I head back to Seattle, go home and pack up, then I'm off driving to Spokompton once again....I guess by now they have had six feet of snow build-up......grrrreeeeeeeeat. I'm not excited to see snow again. Normally I don't mind it, but in Spokane, it is very accessive, and it NEVER melts away. LAME. So pray for me that I can get there safely and on time that night, it'll be a LONG day. I hope everyone had a great New Years!!! I know I did! :)
Now that the swimming is all done for my time here in Cali, now we get to have fun!!! The rest of this evening we have off, so I think I'm gonna read a bit and just relax, then tomorrow we have our "fun day" where I'm gonna be headed off to a Laker's game!! YEA!!! SO stoked! Basketball is one of my favorite sports to watch live, and I'm glad I get to watch it with friends! Our seating tickets are kind of sporatically placed, so hopefully some kind soul will be okay with switching us seats to sit with more of the swimmers. I'm really excited, it'll be way fun. :)
After that we leave sunday morning and I head back to Seattle, go home and pack up, then I'm off driving to Spokompton once again....I guess by now they have had six feet of snow build-up......grrrreeeeeeeeat. I'm not excited to see snow again. Normally I don't mind it, but in Spokane, it is very accessive, and it NEVER melts away. LAME. So pray for me that I can get there safely and on time that night, it'll be a LONG day. I hope everyone had a great New Years!!! I know I did! :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
